Fullmetal Ranma
by Mr. Thumbsup
Summary: A Crossover between Fullmetal Alchemist and Ranma. Ed, Al, and Winry arrive in the Ranma universe. Contains Ranma x Akane, Ed x Winry, Al x Shampoo. Complete. OLD SHAME. DO NOT ENTER. SEALED FOREVER. CONDEMNED UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH. DON'T EFFING READ.
1. Crossing Through

This disclaimer is for the entire story, so I'll only be saying it once: I don't own either of the damned franchises, so stop asking me.

This story will be following the FMA comic, and not the anime. Therefore, Dante is not the leader of the Homunculi, but Father is. The comic is around the point where Ling has become Greed, and Lust and Gluttony are dead.

This is my first try at writing a long-term fan fiction, so if you must flame me, go easy on me, okay?

**Chapter 1**

**The Trouble Begins**

_The Rockbell House, Amestris_

The room was silent.

A large transmutation circle was drawn on the living room floor. Most of the furniture had been moved to accommodate it. Near hundreds of books on alchemy were piled near a wall. Edward stood on one side of it, Alphonse on the other. A Philosopher's Stone sat in the middle of the circle, the light bouncing off it to cast a red shadow on the wall. Winry stood near the circle, her hands clasped together, the look on her face suggesting a small bit of fear.

Alphonse couldn't believe their luck. After years of searching, they had finally gotten the transmutation symbols right. Now that they had a Philosophers Stone, the time that they would get their original bodies back could be near. His armor _clank_ed slightly as he turned his head to face his brother.

"Brother… are you sure about this? We can still turn back now…"

Edward shook his head yes. "We're doing this. If we turn back now, I may never have the courage to do this again. It's now or never."

Winry crossed her fingers for good luck. It was childish, she knew, but she couldn't help it. She'd been doing it for years now.

Ed took a deep breath and placed his open palms on the circle. Al did the same. Alchemic energy shone from under their hands. The entire transmutation circle lit up, and the Philosophers Stone floated in the air, glowing a brilliant light blue.

Alchemic energy volts jolted around the room, one nearly missing Winry. One hit a stack of books, causing slightly charred pages to float around the room. Then something completely unexpected happened.

Ed sneezed.

He instinctively took his hands off the circle. Realizing his mistake, he quickly replaced his hands, but it was too late. Taking his hands off halfway through had made the circle highly unstable. The glow changed from blue to a bloody red.

Suddenly, one of the alchemic volts hit Winry. She disappeared with a scream.

"Winry!"

Al jumped up and ran over to where Winry had been. "Al, wait!"

Another volt hit Al, causing him to disappear as well. Ed screamed in horror. With a look of rage, and tears, in his eye, he turned to face to circle, taking his hands off of it again. The circle continued to spark.

A thousand thoughts were running through Ed's mind right now. He had thought they were so close to regaining their bodies. Now Winry and Al were gone, and there was no one to blame but himself. With tears streaming down his face, and the array still active, he did the only thing that he could. He thought that the very least he could do was die with his friends. He spread his arms out to his sides, waiting for an alchemic volt to hit him.

Sure enough, he was soon hit. Edward vanished into thin air. Moments later, the glow faded away, and there was no evidence that the Elrics or Winry had ever been there.

_The Tendo Dojo, Nerima_

Ranma poked his head out the door, checking to see if the coast was clear. He took a few cautious steps outside, darting his head around.

No crazed women? Check. No Crazed Rivals (Happosai, Ryoga, Pantyhose Taro)? Check. No Monsters (Dragons, Demons, Pantyhose Taro)? Check. No anything else to worry about? Che-

Suddenly, a green portal opened over his head, depositing two screaming people and a very heavy suit of armor on top of him.

Ed sat up, looking around. "What the hell?!"

Winry brushed herself off. "Where are we?"

From under them came a muffled voice. "Excuse me, would you mind getting off of me…"

Ed and Winry quickly climbed off. Al helped Ranma to his feet. "Sorry."

Ranma shook his head. "I'm okay. Where'd you come from?"

Ed scratched the back of his head. "Looks like we've got some explaining to do…"


	2. Explanations and Reports

**Some things the idiot author forgot to mention last chapter:**

**One very important thing to know: in the anime, Fuhrer Bradley is the homunculus Pride, and the child homunculus is named Wrath. In the manga, things are slightly different. Bradley is still a homunculus, but he is known as Wrath in the comic, and therefore will be referred to as such in my story. Likewise, the child homunculus is named Pride in the manga, although it is a different child. In the manga, Pride (the child) is Salem Bradley, the Fuhrer's adopted son (You saw him in the final episode of the anime, where Bradley choked him to death)**

**I have also made some timeline changes. In my fic, Ed, Al, and Winry are nineteen and seventeen, instead of sixteen and fourteen. Anywho, here's the next chapter.**

**Chapter 2**

**Explanations**

"So, let me see if I've got this entire story straight," Nabiki said, her eyes narrowed at Ranma. "You let these strange people who appeared through a swirling vortex of terror and landed on you into our house?"

Ranma nodded sheepishly. He fingered the lump on his head he had received courtesy of Akane, who had, of course, jumped to conclusions after hearing the resounding _CLONG _of Al's armor hitting the ground, coming outside, and saw Ranma talking to a pretty woman.

"If anything gets broken, it's going to your debt that you owe me."

Ranma groaned at this. Ranma's father and the rest of the Tendo family were gathered in the living room, looking Al, Ed, and Winry over. They had heard what had happened from Ranma and Ed, and were looking the three over with a mixture of suspicion and interest. Winry, meanwhile, was contemplating whether to bash Ed's brain in with a wrench because of his bringing them there.

Soun finally spoke up. "How exactly did you get here?"

Ed sat up. "Well, you see, in our world, alchemy is one of the most powerful subjects on earth. We were performing a ritual to try and get our original bodies back. Something went wrong, and we wound up here, landing on your friend, Ranma, was it?"

Akane held up her hand. "Wait, wait, I'm confused. What exactly do you mean by 'original bodies'?"

Ed sighed at this and rolled up his sleeve and pant leg, revealing his auto-mail limbs. Al removed his head and bent over, allowing a good view into his empty armor. The family acted as predicted. Akane stared, a look of horror on her face. As the families looked them over, Al, Ed, and Winry took turns explaining their long story, about their mother, the failed transmutation, and everything else.

As they finished their story, the room was silent. Akane's eyes were soft.

"I… I'm so sorry. This 'Father' character has really done a number on you life, huh?" She placed her hand on his arm as a sign of comforting. Seeing this, a small flare of jealousy went up in Ranma's mind, but he quickly silenced it. He did _not_ love that uncute tomboy. Never have, never will.

Kasumi came in with a tray of cups holding and a pitcher full of iced tea to serve out. Having not being in the room when Ed explained everything, she hadn't seen his automail arm, which was still revealed to the world. Seeing his arm, her mouth dropped open and she lost balance, tripping and sending the things on the tray all over the room. No prizes for guessing where the cold tea went.

The soaked, now-female Ranma sighed. "I can explain this. I was-"

"AL! IT'S ENVY! GET 'EM!"

Ranma's eyes grew wide. "Wait wait wai-"

He was cut off as Al tackled him, pinning Ranma under a heavy suit of armor for the second time in ten minutes.

"Oww…"

_--later—_

After pulling the Elric brothers off of Ranma and explaining the situation, they had calmed down. Ranma had a splitting headache, and a question.

"But if what you two are saying is true, can't you just go back by making another one of those trans-moo-thingy circles?"

Al spoke up at this. "I really don't think we can. Judging by how we got here with a Philosophers Stone, we need one to get back, and those aren't exactly in huge supply."

"You can stay here, if you want."

Ed snapped his head up at Soun's proposition. "…You're serious?"

Soun smiled. "Well, you can't get back without a stone, and you don't have anywhere else to stay, so you can stay here. Welcome to the Tendos."

Ed and Winry smiled at this, not knowing what to say. All they could say was "Thanks."

Nabiki put her head in her hands. "Great, the freak show just got bigger…"

_Father's Headquarters, Amestris_

Father sighed as he read his book. He hated his new lair beyond all belief, but it would have to do for now. When that damned Colonel Mustang had revealed Fuehrer Bradley to be Wrath, they had had to move their headquarters. Poor Wrath, meanwhile, had been publicly executed for treason until his Philosophers Stone ran out, and Mustang had been appointed Fuehrer. Father stopped reading, for he had heard a noise from the other end of the chamber.

The homunculus that was once Ling Yao strode across the dark chamber to Father's chair. He had been spying on the Elrics and was ready to deliver his news.

"Report, Greed." Father's deep voice commanded.

"Father, I have the most unusual news. The Elrics have had something happen to them in an alchemy experiment. They went to this strange place using a Philosopher's Stone. I was able to follow them and come back using my own."

"…Interesting…"

"This place has very powerful inhabitants. I judge that they could be ideal human sacrifices."

"Perhaps. Continue to report to me. I am very intrigued as to this world…"


	3. The Fury of Two Idiots

**Something I came up with: I challenge you all to write a fan fiction. I call this project 'FMA Pairings Madness'. I want you to write a 50-Chapter Fanfiction consisting of short drabbles with characters paired up. I will accept yaoi, yuri, and het, as long as it doesn't evolve into lemon. There can be pairings that are common (Ed x Winry), common yaoi (Roy x Al) or pairings that you hardly ever see (Havoc x Sheska? Scar x Winry?). Just post them on the FMA fanfiction section and I will read them if I get the chance. If you wish, you can send me the link. Get cracking, fanfic nuts!**

**Chapter 3**

**The Fury of Two Idiots**

"School." Ed said incredulously at what Winry was suggesting. It was more of a statement than a question. He stared at Winry as if she had lost her mind.

Winry looked dead serious. "Yes, school. I figured that since we're going to be here a while, why not?"

"Because school is _boring_. You slept through it when we were little."

"All the more reason to go back. I'd be able to catch up."

Ed shook his head, an adamant look on his face. "No. I'm not doing this."

Winry gave him what is commonly referred to as 'Bambi Eyes'. "Aww, c'mon, pleeeease?"

"No. You can go if you want, but I'm not going to do this. I'm not doing this."

"I can't believe I'm doing this." Ed sulked as they walked to school with Winry. Al couldn't go to school with them because his armor would stick out too much, even in Nerima, but he could at least walk there with them. They'd lost Ranma and Akane a few blocks back after Ranma called her an 'uncute tomboy' again and they'd gotten into one of their trademark fights. The Elric's had been here a couple of days by now, so they had gotten used to it.

As they arrived at the school, several people stared at the armor for a moment, but thought nothing of it. This was Nerima, after all. Strange things happened on a almost daily basis.

As Ranma and Akane caught up with them, the all-too-familiar voice of the resident kendo master rang out. "Foul Sorcerer Saotome! Get away from the beautiful Akane Tendo!"

Ranma sighed, and in an almost bored fashion, sidestepped Kuno's attack, as he did every day. Kuno ran headlong into a wall, which was littered with indentations of his face. Ed burst out laughing at this. "Hey Ranma, is this the woman-crazed idiot you were talking about the other day?"

"Woman… crazed… _whaaat_?" Kuno got to his feet, a look of rage on his face. "Who are you to insult the great Tatewaki Kuno, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High School? Perhaps a _short _companion of the foul sorcerer Saotome?"

Ed's eyes narrowed at Kuno saying the forbidden word. Ranma, Akane, Al, and Winry all stepped back, knowing what was coming. Akane had learned this the hard way the day before. **"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A SHORT SMALL DIMINUTIVE MOUSY LITTLE HALF-PINT BEAN SPROUT MIDGET PIPSQUEAK THAT CAN'T HARDLY BE SEEN AT ALL BECAUSE HE DOESN'T DRINK MILK!!!!"** As he was ranting, Ed alchemized a huge spear out of the ground and pointed it at the woman-crazed idiot.

Kuno's eyes widened upon seeing Ed pull a spear out of the ground. "So thou _are_ an evil member of the Sorcerer's Guild Saotome has established! Prepare to meet hell, foul demon!"

Kuno threw his wooden sword at Ed like a dart. Ed batted it away with his spear. It spun through the air and knocked Al's head off. Kuno's eyes widened even more upon seeing the empty armor.

"Oh gods, help us! These foul demons have bound some innocent soul to this golem! Why must such evil, vile things happen?" This comment caused everyone else present to face-fault. "No, no, you misunderstand! I'm not a golem! I-"

"FEAR NOT! I shall liberate you from this steel prison! Prepare to return to god, innocent soul!" Kuno grabbed his wooden sword again and started whacking Al's armor with it, with predictable results. Everyone present sweatdropped as Kuno whacked in vain.

"Evil demons! I command you to release this-" Al slammed his fist down on Kuno's head, knocking him unconscious. "Prima donna."

The school bell rang. Ranma, Akane, and Winry ran for the building, the latter dragging a protesting Ed behind her.

As the schoolyard emptied, one student remained. Once the yard was deserted aside from him, there was a flash of light as Envy shifted back from the student to his preferred form.

"Hmph. It seems Greed was right for the most part. The boy with the stick is nothing special, but the boy with the pigtail practically reeks of power. Father will be most pleased… hmm?"

He was cut off by the sound of a slight _thmph_ noise behind him. Envy spun around. There was a teenage boy crouched on the school wall. He had somewhat messy black hair and wore a green tank top and armbands.

Pantyhose Taro glared down at the man below him. He had sensed the shift of energy as Envy changed his form, and had investigated. The man didn't look like much… and yet… Taro could sense that this man held extraordinary power, and Taro really wasn't sure if he could beat him.

Envy _hmph_ed again. "Why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer."

Taro ignored the comment. "Who are you? I've never sensed a _ki_ quite like yours. You were able to change your form without water. Is this some kind of new Jusenkyo magic?"

Envy raised an eyebrow. "I'm not sure what this Jusenkyo thing is, but I can tell you aren't normal either. Who are you?"

"My name does not matter. Tell me what your purpose is or I will kill you."

Envy could barely restrain himself from laughing. "_You_… kill_ me_? Oh, that's rich. I like you. You've got guts, and as luck would have it, we happen to have a few open spots on our team. If you ever want to join us, just find me."

Envy started to walk toward the school gates, shifting into a man in a tuxedo so not to draw attention to his usual clothes. From behind him, he heard the boy yell "Is it worth it?"

Envy smirked. "You tell me." Envy turned around the corner and out of sight, the sadistic grin still on his face. Pantyhose Taro hopped down from the wall and headed in the opposite direction, many things on his mind…


	4. Al's Weakness

**Chapter 4**

**Al's Weakness**

**Damb, only three chapters and already over 1200 hits! Thank you all!**

Shampoo panted as she furiously pumped the pedals of her bike. Mousse had taken too long with making the food yet again, and she had six minutes to get to the customer's house and fulfill the Nekohanten's 'Food in Twenty-Seven Minutes or you get it Free' rule before they lost yet another customer to Ukyo's Okonomiyaki.

"That Darn Mousse!" she thought as she pedaled. "He's going to put Great-Grandmother out of business!" She was so lost in thought that she forgot about that morning's weather report: 'High Chance of Rain'.

As the rain pattered against the window, Ed grabbed another glass of warm water and dumped it on Ranma, who was sitting on a stool in a tank top and boxer shorts, a book in his hand. For the past half-hour, he had been pouring water of various temperatures on Ranma and examining the changes between forms. Ranma didn't seem to mind and had been reading his book as Ed experimented.

"Astonishing," said Ed, speaking up for the first time in half an hour. "Simply astonishing."

"What's up, Ed?"

"The way that you change." Ed responded, pouring more cold water on Ranma. "Where does the mass come from and go? Seeing these curses undermine every Alchemic Book I've read."

"I'm not sure I follow."

"Alchemy is all about equivalent exchange, but these curses throw equivalent exchange out the window. When you change back you get bigger, and there's your friend that turns into a pig, and don't even get me started on the guy who turns into the yeti-bull-crane-eel thing you told me about. Whenever you and the others get wet, you're creating something from nothing. That can't be possible."

As Ed poured more water on Ranma, he looked around. "Hey, have you seen Al?"

Ranma looked up from his book. "He went on a walk a little while ago."

Ed looked dubious. "In the rain?"

"Like he would get a cold."

The rain had let up to a light drizzle. Al walked through the streets of Nerima, getting a feel for the town. As he walked past Dr. Tofu's Clinic, he noticed a spot of purple among the blackness of the nearby alley. There was a small, purple cat, shivering from the rain and sneezing lightly every now and then. Al's heart melted. He had always had weakness for cats, and seeing this one shivering like this; he couldn't just leave it. Knowing how Ed and Ranma hated cats, he picked it up and hid it in his armor.

Shampoo shivered from the rain. If she could speak right now she would cursing a blue streak. She was so preoccupied that she didn't notice the armor man until he had picked her up. She instinctively started yowling and scratching at him. The armor man put a finger over where his mouth would be, and then put her inside the armor. Shampoo's beady little cat eyes widened upon seeing that the armor was completely empty. She didn't know whether to start scratching again or not. It's not every day you see a walking suit of armor

Al gently closed the front door to the Tendo house behind him. He was walking somewhat awkwardly, so as to not harm the cat. He was about to go straight to his and Ed's room to hide the cat in there.

"Hey Al, is that you? Come here and look at this."

If Al had a face, he would have flinched. He changed his course toward the bathroom, still walking stiffly. As he opened the door, about a quarter inch of water seeped out into the hallway

Ranma was in his female form, sitting on a stool and thoroughly soaked. Cups and buckets were scattered around the bathroom. Ed was holding a slightly wet notebook and pen. Facts were scribbled into the book.

"Al, I can't make heads or tails of all this! Whoever made Ranma's curse has completely ignored Equivalent Exchange! Do you have any idea how this could work?"

Ranma suddenly raised an eyebrow. She had noticed Al walking strangely. "Hey Al, is something wrong with your armor?"

Unfortunately for Al, the cat took this moment to meow. Ed's eyes narrowed, and Ranma's eyes widened in contrast.

Ranma jumped up, grabbing onto a water pipe along the ceiling. "Ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-CAAAAT!!!!!"

"Al, I have told you to stop picking up cats every time you leave the house!"

Al sighed and reluctantly took the cat out of his armor. Ed took it and was about to leave when he slipped on all the water he had spilled, letting go of the cat as he fell. The yowling cat flew across the room, landing in the bathtub, which was filled with warm water because Ed had been using it to refill his cups. Shampoo, now naked, rose slowly out of the water, _seething_ with rage.

Ed and Al froze, knowing that no good can come of this. Shampoo slowly climbed out, glaring at Al with immense hatred. Ed was surprised that Al's armor didn't burst into flames from the force of the glare. Shampoo grabbed a towel and wrapped it as tightly around her person as possible.

"W-wait, wait, miss, I-I can explain-"

Shampoo's temper flared, yelling a long string of curses at Al in a mix of English and Mandarin, the words echoing across the house. She turned on her heel and stalked out, barely registering Ranma cowering in the corner.

"…Well. That was awkward."

Akane entered the bathroom, mallet in hand, eyes flaring. "Ranma, can you please explain why that Amazon bimbo just left our house naked?"

Ranma closed her eyes, knowing what was coming.

"Ranma you PERVERT!" **WHAM!**


	5. Ed vs Ryoga

**Chapter 5**

**Ed vs. Ryoga**

**1800 Hits and counting! Thanks again!**

"…So, how exactly are these Chimera things created?"

Ed, Winry, Ranma, and Akane were walking to school again. Ed was filling them in on Chimeras.

"It's one of the more despicable types of alchemy there is. They're made when an alchemist combines two or more animals together, like lions and tigers and bears."

"Dear God." **(a/n: Haha, bet you thought I was gonna say 'Oh My')**

Suddenly, a familiar voice rang through the air. "RANMA AIREN!"

Shampoo came riding down the fence on her familiar bike. She wheelied off, bunny-hopped off Ranma's head, then landed on the ground. Dismounting, she quickly glomped Ranma, which led to immediate malleting by Akane. Akane yanked Shampoo off and shoved her aside.

Shampoo stumbled and stopped near Al, whom she immediately started to glare at. Al had given up trying to apologize to her ever since an incident three days earlier that involved rain, Ed, and water from the Spring of Drowned Frog. The author will spare you the specifics, but he will say that Ed was lucky that he didn't get the cursed water on him. His automail gets broken enough naturally, so imagine what cursed water could do to it.

"RANMA SAOTOME! BECAUSE OF YOU I HAVE SEEN HELL!" Ryoga landed nearby after jumping off a nearby rooftop.

Ed and Winry raised an eyebrow. They had heard about Ryoga from Ranma, and were surprised to see the bandanna-wearing martial artist. Judging from Ranma's description of his sense of direction, they thought they would never see him.

Ryoga charged at Ranma, who was still unconscious from the malleting. Ryoga pulled his arm back to stab with his umbrella, like a dagger. However, another weapon blocked the umbrella. There stood Ed, his arm transmuted into a blade, the tip blocking the umbrella. Ryoga raised an eyebrow in interest; no one had ever just blocked him like that before, not even Ranma.

"I don't like people who take advantage of situations. I've heard about you, Hibiki, and I'm never one to pass down a fight."

Winry and Akane slammed their hands into their foreheads in frustration. Ed just couldn't resist his ego, could he?

Ryoga smirked. "Hmph. And what difference is it to you, shorty?"

Time froze. Ranma, Akane, and Winry dove for cover.

"**WHO ARE YOU CALLING THE GUINNESS-BOOK-OF-WORLD-RECORDS DIMINUTIVE HOBBIT-SIZED GARDEN GNOME MINIATURE-"**

As Ed ranted, Ryoga turned his head towards Ranma. "Sensitive to height comments, huh?"

"You have no idea."

"**-FROSTED MINI WHEAT THAT MAKES YOU WANT TO CRUSH HIM LIKE AN ANT BECAUSE HE CAN'T BE SEEN AMONG ALL THE TINY GRAINS OF SAND?!!?" **Mind void of reason, Ed charged at Ryoga, not even bothering to transmute a spear.

Ryoga took advantage of his opponents' state to sidestep Ed, then bring his umbrella down on his head. Then Ryoga somehow got lost turning around to fight Ranma.

---OMGDIVIDERTHINGY---

Ed stewed all day. The only thing his mind focused on was Ryoga. He was so consumed with rage, he could barely walk (which wasn't made any easier by Hinako draining him twice in one sitting for not paying attention.) He continued to quietly stew for the rest of the afternoon; through lunch, through class, through the walk home. All he could think of was sweet, sweet revenge.

"Get back here, you pig! I'll chop you up!"

Female Ranma was angrily pursuing P-Chan she caught him with near Akane's room again. Ed, having been told P-Chan's identity a week earlier by Ranma, was helping him, transmuted arm swinging.

"He has to die! I will never forgive him!"

Winry and Akane, who were talking together in the latter's room, heard the ruckus. Winry sighed; she had seen several of Ranma's chases, but this was the first time Ed had joined in. He was such a child sometimes. She went over to Akane's closet and started sifting through the weapons.

"Baseball bat?"

"Nah."

"Nine Iron?"

"Definitely not."

"Well-Used Mallet?"

"That's the one."

Casually twirling the mallet, Akane headed for the door. Winry followed, gripping her wrench.

---OMGREVENGEISSWEET---

This went on for about a week. Ed's mind was slowly consumed by the thought of revenge. He eventually thought of an idea. He and Al called Ranma into their room. Al really didn't want to go along with this, but Ed bribed him by saying that he'd contemplate letting him get a cat.

"What is it Ed?"

"Ranma, I know how Ryoga living as Akane's pet bothers you. He's a pervert! That's why I called you in here: I want your help in exposing him."

Ranma's eyes nearly fell out of his head. As much as he hated it, he promised that he wouldn't tell Akane.

"I can't do that! I'm honor-bound not to tell!"

Ed groaned. "I guess not then. And I know that you're honor-bound. However… _I'm nooot!_"

Ranma had just enough time to widen his eyes just before Al smashed him over the head with his helmet.

"Good work Al. Stuff him in a closet."

"You owe me big time for this."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Ed grinned like the Cheshire cat that swallowed the canary. He picked up a large pickle jar that he had stuffed P-Chan in earlier. Ed held it close to his face, smiling evilly.

"Now, you will receive your comeuppance! Oh, A-KA-Neee!"

Akane and Winry sat in the dining area. Ed had the pickle jar under a sheet on the table, between a glass of warm water and Ryoga's clothes, folded neatly on the table.

Akane noticed something very odd: the house was empty and quiet. She didn't see anyone. This was thanks to Ed, who had evacuated the others out of the house earlier, to minimalize casualties.

"I've called you here to demonstrate a very interesting case of a Jusenkyo Curse: Spring of Drowned Piglet!"

With a great flourish, Ed pulled the sheet off of the pickle jar containing P-Chan. Unscrewing the lid, he grabbed the glass of water and poured it into the jar. Ryoga expanded, shattering the jar and laying out naked for the world to see.

Akane and Winry's jaws nearly hit the floor. Ed, meanwhile, had run out the front door to escape the coming carnage, and was already five blocks across town.

Ryoga widened his eyes. His beloved Akane and some other girl had seen him transform. He grabbed his pants from the pile beside him and ran for the front door. The last rational thought that went through his head was "This is all Ranma's fault!"

Two second slater, the front wall of the house _exploded_. Akane came dashing out, glowing blood red with ki, her mallet extended to a huge sledgehammer. Winry, meanwhile, had kept her wrench. The two women ran after Ryoga, almost primal roars echoing across Nerima. People stayed in their homes out of fear.

On a separate note, Russia reportedly went into high alert a few minutes later, reportedly tracking a rogue missile.

**I have to admit, this is probably the worst chapter so far. I've been trying to make my chapter longer, I'm doing the best I can.**


	6. Cooking of the Damned

**I'd like to thank you all for your patience in my delayed update. And also, 2800 hits!**

**A note: One of the reviewers left a very good note. Yes, there's another difference with the Homunculi between the anime and manga. While in the anime, Sloth is Ed and Al's mother, in the manga, Sloth is a huge, bulking monster, whom they have to keep working (no surprise there).**

**A final note: This will be the last chapter with slapstick comedy galore. Starting with the end of this chapter, I'm going to put in a bit more romance elements, fighting, and major storyline. To tell the truth, I only did this chapter as filler and so I could introduce an element at the end of the chapter. That being said, lets continue!**

**Also, sorry if this chapter seems kind of short. I was trying to get it up quicker due to my delay.**

**Chapter 6**

**Cooking of the Dammed**

It was a bright morning in Nerima. Kasumi hummed softly as she cooked breakfast. Soun and Panda-Genma sat at the Shogi board. Alphonse sat outside, talking with Shampoo. A week before, he had finally gotten a chance to sort things out with Shampoo and explain it was an accident. She had understood and the two had become fast friends. Alphonse was telling her about his and Ed's experiences, which Shampoo had become very interested in. Ranma was going through his kata in the dojo, silently thanking the gods that Alphonse was keeping Shampoo off of him. Ed was upstairs, going over various alchemy books. Nabiki was in her room, reviewing her profits. And Ryoga was in Moscow, on the run from the Soviets.

Yet still, despite the quietness, Soun was uneasy. Something was nagging at the back of his mind, but he couldn't tell what. Turning around he yelled into the kitchen. "Kasumi! What's today's date?"

"The fifteenth."

Soun turned around, to face the Shogi board again, not noticing that Genma had turned the board around while his head was turned. _The fifteenth…_ he knew there was something different about the fifteenth of each month, but he couldn't figure out wha-

_Oh no._

He jumped up. "IT'S THE NIGHT AKANE'S COOKING DINNER!!!" he yelled across the house.

Ranma stopped dead halfway through his kata.

Kasumi dropped a dish.

Shampoo turned her head, horror spelled across her face.

Genma started packing for a conveniently scheduled training trip.

At the Nekohanten, Mousse dropped everything out of his sleeves.

At Ucchans, Ukyo and Konatsu hid under the grill.

Nabiki started looking up hotel numbers.

Hundreds of miles away, Ryoga shuddered, inadvertently dodging a bullet.

Some guy in Charlotte, North Carolina dropped dead from Cardiac Arrest.

Only Ed, Winry, and Al did not worry, for they had not been in Nerima long enough to fully know the terror of Akane's cooking.

Within minutes, the house was empty except for Ranma, Akane, Ed, Al, and Winry.

---

Meanwhile, Akane checked her calendar to see if it was true. Indeed, it was the fifteenth! Akane always loved the fifteenth. She got a chance to practice her cooking. As she walked down the stairs to the kitchen, she briefly contemplated how Ranma always made fun of her cooking and refused to at least try it. Akane often wondered if he would try it if he knew that she-

Akane shook her head. This was no time to be thinking about _that_. She entered the kitchen. Maybe Ed would like her cooking, since he had never tried it before. Flipping open a cookbook, she settled on a good looking recipe. _One teaspoon of salt…_ She dumped in a tablespoon of flour.

---

In his and Al's room upstairs, Ed heard Soun yell something about dinner, followed by a loud rushing of footsteps out the front door. Ed shrugged and went back to his work. He didn't know what the big fuss was about; it was much too early to start thinking about supper.

Suddenly, from the hall outside, there were loud, running footsteps. Ed's door was flung open by Ranma, who ran in and slammed the door behind him.

"Ranma?! What's the-"

"Ed! Hide me!"

Ranma dove under the bed.

"Ranma, what's going on?!"

"Akane's cooking dinner. You haven't tasted her cooking, so you don't know about it. It's horrible! She can't cook to save her life!"

"Oh come on Ranma, it can't be _that_ bad."

"Ed, last time she cooked, the smell alone melted a window. Three streets over."

"…Okay, maybe it _is_ that bad."

---

It was several hours later. Ed, Ranma, and Winry were seated around the table, staring at the mess on the plates in front of them.

Ranma wished that Akane would try her own food.

Winry contemplated hiding it in Al's armor.

Ed wished he knew what was in it so he could deconstruct it.

Al silently thanked god he had no mouth to eat with.

"Well? Dig in!"

Several seconds passed. Eventually, Ranma, Winry, and Ed forced themselves to spoon a bit into their mouths, chew twice, and swallow.

Several seconds passed.

Nothing happened.

Ed breathed an inaudible sigh of relief.

And _then_ the pain hit their stomachs. The three fell out of their chairs, moaning. The last thought that Ranma had before blacking out was "God, how did I fall in love with her…"

---

Luckily, the poison didn't last long. Even more luckily for Ranma, Akane seemed more mad at Ed and Winry for collapsing on their first try of her food.

Later, Ranma sat in front of the crackling fireplace, stewing over his thoughts. He had finally realized, just before he blacked out, that he did indeed, love Akane.

Speaking of who, Akane chose that moment to enter the room. She sat down in front of the fireplace, across from Ranma. There was a long, awkward silence.

Finally, Akane broke the ice. "Thanks for at least trying it."

Ranma nodded. "Sorry about blacking out like that."

"I should be apologizing. It was my food."

"Hm."

Silence again.

"Ed used alchemy to analyze it for me. Then I tried it myself. Now that I know what it tastes like, I can't blame you for passing out like that!"

Ranma nodded slowly.

Akane spoke up again. "Why did you try it, anyway?"

Ranma tensed up slightly. He couldn't take it anymore. He had to tell her.

"I ate it… because… because I was trying to be nice to you and I hoped that you start to not hate me and I hoped that you would love me because I love you!" he blurted out in one breath. He then slammed his hand over his mouth.

Akane was so shocked it looked like her jaw was about to fall off her face. You could tell she was trying to say something, _anything,_ but just couldn't.

"You… love… me?"

Ranma nodded. _Oh, no. She's going to cry because she's so insulted that I love her._

"God, Akane, I'm so sorry. I know you're disgusted that a trannsexual freak like me is in love with you, but… please…"

Akane's eyes widened. The tears began to flow. "Ranma…"

She walked over to Ranma's slouched and depressed form and gently rested her hand on his shoulder. Ranma looked up at her as she bent down to eye level with him.

Their lips met.

Akane pulled away, tears still in her eyes. "I love you too, you twit."

Akane bent down and kissed him again, Ranma falling into the kiss with her. They stayed there, in front of the fire, and fell asleep there, in each other's arms.


	7. An Interlude with Homunculi

**Before we begin, sorry about the OOC-ness of Ranma's confession. But it's already done, so leave it alone!**

**As the chapter says, this is all about the Homunculi, so no romance here. Uh-uh. Nothing near romance. By the way, a bit about the manga version of Greed:**

**He used to be Ling Yao, the prince of the country of Xing. After the original Greed was killed, Father turned Ling into a Homunculus by pouring a Philosophers Stone into his bloodstream. Ling/Greed has black hair in a ponytail, and wears a black Chinese shirt similar to Ranma's.**

**Chapter Seven**

**An Interlude with Homunculi**

There was a loud, satisfying _clang_ as the final piece was put in place. Father's new lair was officially complete. There were prison cells, tanks for cultivating Chimeras, and anything else that would be needed. Father sat on his chair, reading his usual book, satisfied with the current state of things. He could stay here for years, miles below Nerima, and never be found.

Envy hopped off of the podium he had been standing on, where he had directed Sloth and Greed where to place pieces to build with, Sloth having done much of the work, thanks to his bulk. Greed was only able to do a bit, thanks to Ling's smaller stature, though his shielded form offered a bit of a boost.

Envy sighed, cricking his neck to the side with an audible _snap_. He walked over to a door, and headed down the stairs behind it, a sadistic grin going across his face.

At the bottom of the stairs, a man with an X-shaped scar sat in a prison cell. His hands were in manacles hanging from the wall. They were around his wrist at just the perfect angle so he couldn't perform his deconstructing alchemy to escape. Adding insult to injury, the manacles could be opened by just pressing a button on them, which Scar couldn't reach.

Scar coughed softly. He had been tortured daily by the bastards who owned this place. He could barely remember how he had been captured. The torturing had been so brutal he often coughed up blood, and had lost two of his left fingers. Cuts and bruises scattered his body.

He turned his head as the cell door creaked open. Envy strode in, his smile as evil as ever. "Good afternoon, beast of Ishbal."

Scar didn't look at Envy, ignoring his little pet name. "Haven't you tortured me enough? I'm of no use to you, why do you keep me here?"

Envy grinned bigger than ever. "Well, simple… it's fun."

_This_ struck a nerve with the serial killer. Roaring in anger, he kicked at Envy, who dodged aside. Scar tried to kick him again… he stopped short. Envy had shifted into Scar's brother.

"Oohh. No, please, Scar. Don't hit your beloved brother."

Envy took advantage of Scar's natural hesitation to kick him in the gut, then bring his foot down on Scar's back. Scar was left hunched over, coughing violently, blood pouring out of his mouth. Envy grinned, taking a kind of perverse pleasure from the torture.

---

Later, heading back up the stairs, the smile vanished from Envy's face. He sensed that something was… _off_. That there was someone watching him. He whirled around. "Who's there? Come out!"

Sure enough, there were footsteps. Envy spun to face their direction.

Pantyhose Taro came striding out of the darkness, arms outstretched as if welcoming an old friend.

"I decided to take you up on your offer. So, what have you got?"

Envy smiled again. "I figured you might accept my proposal. But I need to see what _you_ have before I even think of letting you on. We can't just have little nothings here."

Pantyhose Taro smiled. "Well, that's no problem. Got any water?"

Envy thought that the man in front of him was just thirsty, so he gave him a drink. He was, however, surprised when the man upturned the glass over his head. Even more so when he transformed into a huge, bulking… _thing_ with wings and a tail. In the darkness of Father's Lair, one could mistake the thing in front of Envy for a demon from the pits of hell.

Envy grinned evilly. Oh, _this_ was going to be good.

---

A while later, Envy led Pantyhose Taro, now in normal form, through the halls. Taro glanced around, looking at the lair in obvious distaste.

"Nice place you've got here. Medieval gothic meets future hell. Very nice."

Envy shrugged. "Hey, I don't own the place."

Envy pushed open a huge set of doors. Taro looked around, mildly impressed. The room was huge. The only light was a long string of spotlights hanging from a catwalk that lit up the center, creating a sort of path which Envy followed. At the end of the path stood a chair, it's back to the two people. Taro couldn't help but shudder upon seeing it. He could tell that there was something powerful, something _evil_, on the other side of that chair.

"Father. I've brought him. This is the man I told you about."

There was a pause. Someone stood up out of the seat. It was a tall, barefoot man wearing a white robe. He had a small beard, and walked with an air of power about him. He glanced at Pantyhose Taro. "So, this is the one that managed to sneak up behind even you, Envy."

Envy nodded. "Mhm. And that's the least of it. Give him a bit of water."

"There is no need. I have learned of this world's curses. I can sense quite a bit of power about you. You also have a hunger, of sorts… hunger for power. And, as it happens, I happen to have a seat open for my 'Gluttony'."

Father closed his eyes. The third eye in the middle of his forehead opened, and a red drop squeezed out. It fell upon Father's hand.

Taro raised an eyebrow. "…Just what is that?"

Envy spoke up. "That is a Philosophers Stone. It's one of the most powerful catalysts in both of our worlds. If it succeeds, you will be given power you can never imagine. Hold out your arm."

Taro did as instructed. Envy turned his hand into a blade and drew it across Taro's hand. Taro winced slightly as it cut his hand.

"We're going to pour this into your bloodstream. If your body accepts it, a _human-based_ Homunculus will be born. However, it's only worked twice in history. Usually the pressure is too much, and the human dies."

Taro's eyes widened, but before he could protest, Father dropped the red drip into Taro's hand. It slithered into the cut.

"Will you accept my 'Gluttony'?"

Taro dropped to his knees, clutching his wrist, screaming in pain. Cuts opened up across his face, arms, chest, and everywhere else. All that Taro could see was a huge void of constantly shifting faces. Many dove in and out of the cuts across his body as the souls in the stone battled with his for control of his body. Cracks spread across the floor around Taro as he writhed on the ground. A howling noise echoed across the chamber.

Eventually, the noise died down. Taro stopped shaking.

A few moments later, he began to stir. He slowly rose to his feet.

The cuts across his body healed themselves.

The thing that was once Pantyhose Taro threw his head back and cackled madly as a tattoo of a snake eating its own tail appeared on the back of his neck.

**Eek, new Homunculus! You can tell me how it was by pressing the little 'review' button. Please? I would really like more than 20 reviews, please.**


	8. Love, Rage, Spying, and a Confession

**This is IT, folks! The surprise pairing will be revealed at the end of the chapter! Don't you dare skip down! Get your hand away from that scroll button! Ignore the demonic scroll button of demons! The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you! I need an old priest and a young priest!**

…**Sorry, I had two sodas with lunch today. I'm still a little hyper.**

**I thank you all for reading (Over 3800 Hits!) but could you please review more? I'll give you some digital Hash Brownies!**

**Chapter 8**

**Love, Rage, Spying, and a Confession**

_Wham!_

Ed slammed the door to his room behind him after ushering Ranma and Akane in, then alchemized the door shut. Soun and Genma had come back from their conveniently scheduled training trip that morning, and had found the new lovers asleep in each others arms in front of the smoldering fire.

Knowing the two fathers, they immediately started celebrating, Soun breaking out the Sake and waking the two, while Genma ran through the streets, telling the world. Ed, meanwhile, had dragged the two away, having seen them last night and letting them sleep.

Ed turned around, noticing that Ranma and Akane's hands were still intertwined. They hadn't let go of each other since last night. Yanking Winry's wrench out of her hand, he smacked them both in the head with it. "You're both real idiots, y'know that? Falling asleep together where everyone could see you!"

Al spoke up. "Leave them alone, brother. If that were, I don't know, you and Winry down there, would _you_ have-"

Ed quickly looked uncomfortable and changed the subject. "You guys need to get out of here until things cool down and they shut up." Winry quickly opened the window and let Ranma and Akane climb out onto the roof.

However, they forgot one very important thing: Genma had run into Nerima to tell the world. Which meant that everyone knew now, including the fiancées and rivals…

Ranma and Akane were barely out on the roof when, out of the sky, came "FOUL SAOTOME! HOW DARE YOU DISGRACE THE BELOVED AKANE TENDO!"

Kuno, being the ass he is, had zeroed in directly on the Tendo Dojo. His sister could be seen a few rooftops behind, yelling something about 'That btch Akane seducing her darling Ranma'.

Akane was able to swiftly take care of Kuno with her mallet. By sheer dumb luck, she was able to hit him at the appropriate angle so he would hit Kodachi, which 'knocked' those two out of the equation.

Farther across town, everyone's favorite umbrella-wielding lost boy showed up as their next obstruction. "Ranma! You have taken Akane from me! I have seen hell, and have had to flee the Soviet Forces because of you!"

"Oh boy."

---

Back across town, Greed sat cross-legged on a rooftop across from the Tendo Dojo. Father had ordered him to take information from across town. According to Father, the time for the human sacrifices was drawing nigh…

With a _thump_, the new Gluttony landed behind him. Taro had altered his clothes to suit the Homunculi. He wore clothes similar to Envy's, but not as revealing. He had also added a personal touch by wearing a black trenchcoat over it that he had bought from a vendor in Hokkaido.

Something else that Pride had pointed out, actually speaking instead of hiding in his shadow all the time: the new Gluttony seemed to have more restraint than the old one. He didn't spend all times thinking of food, and only ate when he needed. As a result, he wasn't as morbidly fat, and could move much quicker.

"So, found anyone?"

Greed turned back around. "I have found one guy. Seems pretty strong. You?"

Gluttony sat down beside him. "Nah, no one so far."

Greed sighed, and stared down at the street. Gluttony noticed this. "Oi, what's on your mind?"

"…Nothin'. It's just that I sometimes wonder, what do the humans think of us?"

Gluttony almost laughed. "You know what they think. They see us as monsters, they fear us. For that matter, _I_ fear the others. Pride and Envy alone could probably kill me."

Gluttony reached down and yanked a shingle off the rooftop. He bit a chunk off it with a _crunch_. "Somethin' else: we Homunculi are different from each other. You, me, we're not like the others. They were made from scratch. We were powerful enough to survive a Philosopher's Stone being inserted into our body. They had no choice."

Greed sighed again and held his hand up in front of him. He put his carbon shield over it, examining the claw. "Something else I worry about: sometimes I can feel the human I used to be, some guy named Ling Yao, trying to break free. He's always watching for a chance to take control of this body."

Gluttony burst out laughing at this point. "Y'know, Greed, you crack me up." He stood back up. "Well, back to work." He roof-hopped away.

Greed went back to staring at the Tendo House, lost in his own thoughts.

---

Ryoga long gone, Ranma and Akane had now advanced to Ukyo's spatulas, which had been sharpened to equality with razors.

"Razor Spatulas! Why did it have to be razor spatulas!" Akane yelled out loud

"Ranchan, get away from her!

"What did we do to deserve this!"

---

Back at the Tendo House, Winry got up from her seat in her room, annoyed. Ed had left his watch on the table, and there was something wrong with it: It was ticking too fast.

The sound was too irregular, ticking twice every second. Winry had figured out in her head that this added a second for two seconds, adding thirty seconds to each minute, adding thirty minutes to each hour. She had tried to ignore it, but the noise was driving her insane.

After picking it open, she pulled on the small dial to stop the watch. Before she could stop herself, she glanced over at the scratchings on the other side of the lid.

_Don't Forget_

_3/Oct/11_

However, there was a third line that wasn't there before. Winry's eyes widened upon seeing what the third line said.

_Winry_

---

It was the end of the day. Ed and Al had eventually rescued Ranma and Akane from the crazed rivals and fiancées. Strangely, Shampoo hadn't shown up at any point during the day. Ranma brushed this off as Shampoo finally taking hint.

It had taken a lot of effort to shake them off. Ed and Al were resting on the roof of the Tendo Dojo. The sun was setting, making the sky look very beautiful. **(a/n: This is not Elricest, you sick yaoi fans!)**

Ed sighed. "Three weeks."

Al turned his head. "Hmm?"

"That's how long we've been here. Three weeks."

Ed sighed again. "Maybe we'll find a way to go back soon."

Al spoke up. "Big brother… I don't want to go back."

_This_ caught Ed's attention. "…What? What are you talking about Al? Why don't you want to go back?"

"Because… I've fallen in love… with Shampoo…"

**---**

**Bet you didn't see that coming! Yes, the surprise pairing is Al x Shampoo! More to come!**

**By the way, the bit about Winry opening Ed's watch and seeing her name scratched inside, was inspired by a chapter in the FMA Fic **_**100 Moments to Live For**_**, by causmicfire, used with his permission. It's a cute, in-progress fic made up of Ed x Winry drabbles. Check it out!**


	9. Shared Feelings

**This has to be the longest chapter I've written! 1600 words!**

**There are some love confessions in this chapter, and some fluff. I tried to improve, since I got poor reviews for that last one. Also, do not expect any lemons in this fic, I don't write lemons. Finally, thanks for the 4500 Hits!**

**Chapter 9**

**Shared Feelings**

Ed was understandably struck speechless.

There was no was Al could be telling the truth. This had to have been some silly stunt; that had to be it.

"…What? You're joking, r-right, Al?"

Al shook his head no. "I'm very serious."

Ed started furiously shaking his head. "No. No, no, no, no, no, no. Al, she hates you!"

"Hated. Don't you remember? We're friends now."

"Mousse loves her!"

"She doesn't love him."

"She loves Ranma!"

"She didn't show up today to attack them."

Ed fell backward onto the roof in exasperation. "I give up. Al, I'm telling you, she's going to murder you!"

"No she won't."

"The fiancée situation is already strained right now, thanks to Ranma and Akane! You're just going to exacerbate things!" **(a/n: exacerbate- to make things worse)**

Al shook his head again. "No, I'm not. She was only going after Ranma because of that tribal law Ranma told us about. Do you really think that she would automatically fall in love with someone just because someone told her to?"

Ed had to admit that it sounded ludicrous. "Whatever, I'm going to get some sleep." He climbed down off the rooftop. As the sun disappeared, Al stayed up on the roof, lost in his own thoughts.

Neither of them noticed as a certain bespectacled amazon slipped off…

---

Ed walked up the stairs to his room, trying to ignore the cheers of Genma and Soun, who were still hammering down the celebratory sake. Amazing that they hadn't died of alcohol poisoning yet. He walked past Akane's room, smiling slightly as he heard two sets of snores from inside. Ranma and Akane had given up on hiding things and had moved into one room. They were both sleeping now, Akane wrapped up in his arms.

As Ed closed the door, he noticed that something was… _off._ There was something different as to how the room usually was. He brushed it off, picked up one of his alchemy texts, lay down on his bed, and started reading. He eventually dozed off, the book on his chest…

---

Ed snapped his torso up, the book sliding down his chest. He had realized what was different about the room.

His ticking noise made by silver watch was gone.

Upon closer inspection of the room, he found that this was because the watch _was_ gone.

Starting to freak out, he searched the entire room to find it wasn't anywhere.

_Okay, okay, calm down, Ed. Maybe you took it downstairs and left it down there by accident. Yeah! That's it!_

He strode back out into the hall. Genma and Soun could be heard slurring curses at each other downstairs. Ed walked for the stairs when, passing Winry's room, he heard a faint, yet familiar noise.

_Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick._

He had owned that watch too long to not know its noise. He gently slid the door open. Light from the hallway spilled into the room, illuminating Winry's form. She lay on the bed, apparently sleeping. Ed crept closer to her. Upon closer inspection, he found that she was holding his watch close to her chest. Even in the darkness, Ed could see that his watch was open slightly. Ed gulped nervously. If Winry was holding his open watch, then that meant that she had to have seen the writing inside.

Ed immediately thought that he was doomed… but she was holding the watch to her chest so affectionately. Ed realized that the only possible explanation was that she felt the same way too!

Ed's face softened. He sat down on the edge of the bed, looking at Winry's softly breathing form.

"Hm. I guess you know now, Winry." He spoke softly, even though she was asleep. "I… I've wanted to tell you for so long, but I… I was too afraid…"

He looked down at his feet. "I suppose I was afraid that… that you wouldn't like me back… but…"

He gently placed his hand on her hair, gently stroking it along its length. "…But seeing you, with my watch like this… I can tell that… you love me as well. I often wondered if I even deserved you, after the way I've sinned… but I just can't deny myself. I love you Winry. I always will."

Taking his hand of Winry's long hair, he stood up and headed for the door. He paused for a moment, taking one last look at the girl, smiling softly. He closed the door and headed for his room.

Winry smiled. She had heard everything.

---

Ed settled into his bed, clicking the lamp on his table off. He shifted under the covers, yawning. His mind was focused on one woman. No prizes for guessing who.

A moment later, he felt someone climb into the bed with him, and a soft arm around him. He heard Winry say five simple words.

"I love you too, Ed."

Smiling gently, he took her hand in his own, and fell asleep.

---

The next day, after school, the two sets of lovebirds and Al were walking home from school. Ranma and Akane were holding hands, making out as they walked. Ed and Winry had grown a lot closer, but weren't kissing right now. Not to say they hadn't…

Al meanwhile, was quiet. He had been thinking about Shampoo for most of the day, and whether he should tell her or not.

All this was shattered by a familiar voice yelling a death threat. However, it wasn't to the usual person.

"Elric! You die now!"

Al dodged out of the way of a sickle on the end of a chain. The chain withdrew back into the sleeve of its master, the only person it could belong to.

Mousse, who amazingly had remembered his glasses, thrust his other arm forward, sending several more chains and what appeared to be a kids training potty flying at Alphonse.

"Mousse! What's wrong with you?!!?"

"I heard you last night, Elric! I heard everything! Shampoo didn't attempt to murder Akane yesterday, so I thought she must have given up on Ranma! But here, I see you're plotting to steal her from me as well! I thought you were DIFFERENT!"

He punctuated this last word with another sling at Al.

And this continued on for several minutes.

Several hundred chains, boomerangs, and another kids training potty later, Al was reaching the end of his rope. He had had just about enough of this.

"Shampoo is mine, Elric! She won't-"

"GET FUCKED, FOUR-EYES!"

Everyone was instantly struck speechless, especially Ed. He had never heard Al curse before, much less use the 'F-Bomb'.

Al wasn't finished. "If you love her, why don't you go out with her? Hmm?"

Mousse was taken aback. "Well, er, she-"

"It's because she doesn't love you! And maybe you do love her, but I love her too! I love her, and I won't let you-"

"Al!"

Both combatant's turned their heads to face Ed, who had yelled out. Ed, Ranma, Winry, and Akane simultaneously pointed to the left, down the street.

Shampoo stood there, straddling her bike. She had heard everything.

Forgetting everything, Al turned and ran for the Tendo House, the only thing on his mind how much Shampoo must hate him.

---

Later, Al sat on the roof as the sun set, mirroring the previous night.

_Well, I certainly won't be showing my face in public anytime soon. I'll stay in the house and wait for things to cool down. Maybe then she'll… who am I kidding, she doesn't love me._

A sound behind him snapped him out of his thoughts. Shampoo had roof-hopped her way to the Tendo House, and had landed behind him. Silently, she walked over and sat down beside him, watching the setting sun.

There was an awkward silence for several seconds. Shampoo eventually broke the silence.

"I… I did not know that you felt that way about Shampoo."

Al nodded slightly.

"Shampoo… never really loved Ranma. She just following tribal law. Shampoo guess that why Shampoo not chase Ranma. She really glad that Ranma happy with Akane.

"Shampoo also know that Mousse loves me… and Shampoo thank him for that, she just… not love him."

Al turned his head to face Shampoo.

"Great-Grandmother never really listen to what Shampoo want. Great-Grandmother just follow stupid law."

If Al had eyes, they would have widened at this. Was Shampoo leading up to what he thought she was?

Shampoo smiled cutely. "Shampoo hope you get body back someday."

Al spoke up. "Wh-Why do you say that?"

Shampoo stood up. "So Shampoo can give you this."

She bent down and kissed him where his cheek would be. Giving a small wave, she roof-hopped away.

Al slowly reached his hand up to his face. He couldn't believe what had happened.

---

Envy and Gluttony slung the doors open. They bowed down onto one knee before Father's chair.

"You called for us, Father?"

"The time for the human sacrifices is nearly here. I trust you have found suitable people."

"Indeed, Father. Some of the people who live here use a thing called ki, which substitutes for alchemic energy. What's amazing is that, of the two people we found, one of them has huge reserves of ki that she could use that she doesn't even know about."

Father smiled. "Excellent. You will retrieve them tomorrow. Where are they?'

"One lives at the Kuno Estate. The other, at the Tendo Dojo."


	10. All News is Bad News

**Folks, this is where Father makes his move! This is what you've been waiting for! And also, 5200 Hits!**

**Also, sorry if this chapter isn't very good. I've been kind of rushed the past few days.**

**Chapter 10**

**All News is Bad News**

In the darkness, Father sat in his chair, his eyes shut. He may have been asleep, he may have been meditating, no one knew, and to be quite frank, Envy didn't want to know. Father created them, he could just as easily destroy them, should they get on his bad side.

Father snapped his eyes open.

"It's time."

He stood up, disconnecting the countless wires and pipes connected to his chair. "Come forth, my children."

Within moments, Gluttony, Envy, Sloth, and Greed kneeled before him, awaiting his command. Pride, Father's most trusted Homunculus, stood at the back, hiding in his shadow.

"The promised day has come. Go forth, my children. Retrieve the human sacrifices. Greatness is now upon us."

---

"Unacceptable! You cannot be in love with _this _man! You can't even call him a man!"

Al and Ed were at the Nekohanten. Shampoo had broken to Cologne that she and Alphonse were in love. Ed had gone along to try and help explain things, but negotiations were not going well. Ranma had stayed behind at the house. He was happy that Shampoo was returning Al's love, but he still didn't want to go anywhere near the Nekohanten.

"I no care, Grand-Grandmother. Shampoo love Alphonse, and Alphonse love Shampoo. Shampoo only love Ranma as a friend."

"That does not matter! Tribal law insists-"

"I still no care! Shampoo control her own life! Shampoo been following Barbaric Tribal Law for to too long now! Shampoo had enough!"

Cologne blanched. "Nonsense! Absolute nonsense! We have followed tribal law sense our tribe was established, and I do not intend to stop now. You will honor your vows and marry Ranma, do you understand me?"

Shampoo's eyes narrowed. She took Al's hand in her own. "No."

Cologne narrowed her eyes as well. With nothing else to say, she turned around and pogoed her way into the kitchen, carrying the cage she had stuffed the enraged duck-Mousse in with her.

Al hugged Shampoo close to his steel body. Ed sighed and said nothing. The trio left the Nekohanten and headed for the Tendo House, a silence hanging over the air.

---

Shouts echoed around the dojo of the Kuno estate. Tatewaki Kuno growled as his bokken destroyed his twelfth straw training dummy in as many minutes. Interestingly, all of these dummys had red shirts and black pigtails. (Geez, get a life, you woman-crazed twit.)

"Foul Saotome! How dare you entrap the affections of the beautiful Akane Tendo! I shall send you to hell, foul sorcerer!"

Kodachi sighed as her brother destroyed yet another dummy. She really had no idea what her dear brother saw in that bitch. He was her brother, and she loved him, but he could be downright hard-headed at times. Kodachi sighed again as she turned back to her book, _Paralysis Gas and You: Entrapping Your Love Whether He Wants it or Not._

Both looked up from their activities as the doorbell rang. Setting down his bokken, Kuno strode toward the door, pulling it open.

"Hello, sir? May I help y- OOF!"

Kuno yelled out in pain as the trenchcoat-wearing man with the Ouroboros tattoo sent him flying into the opposite wall with a kick.

---

Shock. That was all there was to feel.

The three had gotten back from the Nekohanten only to find something none had ever expected.

The front wall of the Tendo House was all but destroyed. Everyone seemed to be alive. Shaken, or unconscious, but alive. Ed, Al, and Shampoo quickly started checking everything over, to see if everyone was alright.

Ed was in a panic. He couldn't find Winry. His every thought was on finding Winry. He started to call out her name, hoping desperately to find her.

"Winry?! Winry!!"

"E… Ed?"

Ed spun around upon hearing Winry's voice. She was pinned under a table and couldn't get up. She was cut, but alive. Ed sprinted over to the table and threw it off her. Winry burst into tears.

"Oh, Ed! It… It was horrible! It…"

Ed held Winry close to him, allowing her to cry on his shoulder. He gently stroked her hair, whispering calming words to make her calm down. For a moment, the rest of the world was gone. There was just him and Winry.

"Edward."

Ed looked toward the voice, Winry still on his shoulder. Akane was probably the worst off of all of them. She was beaten and sweaty, and her trusty mallet actually seemed to have dents in it.

"While you were gone, these… I have no idea what they were, attacked us. There were two of them; one was really muscular, the other wore these really weird clothes. Both had these tattoos of snake eating its tail."

Ed's eyes widened. He looked toward Al. Their eyes met. Both were thinking the same thing.

"The Homunculi."

Akane was dubious. "Those things you told us about? Why would _they_ be here?"

"It would make sense. The Homunculi are based on Philosopher's Stones, and sense we used one to come here, they would be able to pass through freely too. But, why did they attack you?"

Akane's eyes teared up at this. "I… I don't know, but they… they took Ranma with them. They knocked him out and took him away."

Their conversation was interrupted by the sound of three pairs of feet running their way, and two death threats ringing in the air.

"SAOTOME! YOU DIE NOW!"

"RANMA! HOW DARE YOU BETRAY AKANE!"

Kuno was on his way to the Tendo House, his bokken raised high. He looked like he had been severely beaten. It seemed that he had met Ryoga on the way and had filled him in on what had happened. Ukyo was bringing up the rear, though her face showed more concern.

The three skidded to a stopupon seeing the remains of the house. Kuno blanched.

"The Foul Sorcerer even dares to destroy his own home?!"

Ryoga and Ukyo simultaneously whapped Kuno on the back of the head.

"Please don't tell me you're this stupid Kuno. If his house was attacked, this obviously means he's not behind it, genius,"

Ryoga quickly told Ed and Akane what Kuno told him. Apparently, the Homunculi had attacked the Kuno estate, taken Kodachi, and burned the house to the ground.

"But why would they take Kodachi and Ranchan?"

"I have the answer."

Everyone turned around. Cologne was balanced on her cane, looking serious.

"For the past few weeks, I have sensed something very wrong in Nerima. I have tried to ignore it, but seeing as _Son-in-Law_ has been taken" Cologne stressed the words 'Son-in-Law' and glared at Shampoo, "I have no choice but tell you. Something with very powerful energy, very similar to Ed and Al's, has been emanating from beneath a warehouse on the far side of Nerima. They had to have taken Son-in-Law and Kodachi with a reason. You must go and save them. Immediately."

---

Later, the group stood in the tunnels leading to Fathers Lair. The group consisted of Ed, Al, Shampoo, Akane, Mousse (who was glaring daggers at Al), Kuno, Ukyo, Ryoga, and Winry.

They had found the warehouse with the help of Cologne, and were on their way through the tunnels. For now, things seemed quiet. And yet… yet something seemed amiss. It was too easy. Al remembered that something was different from the previous time he had ventured into Father Lair. And every few seconds, there was a skittering sound from somewhere-

_Oh no._

When he was here, the original Gluttony had mentioned guardians. Al remembered and yelled out what they were just as they attacked.

"_Chimeras!!!!"_

Huge, mutated monstrosities flung themselves out of the shadows. The group immediately sprung into action. Kuno whipped out his bokken and beheaded one. Ukyo slung her battle spatula out and did the same. One latched onto Ed's automail arm, and seemed about to pull it off until a chain-sickle wrapped around it's neck and pulled it off. Ukyo found the breath to yell. "Go! Save Ranchan! We'll catch up!"

The Elrics, Winry, Shampoo, Akane, and Ryoga sprinted farther down the hallways.

---

Ranma breathed heavily. The people that had attacked the house had taken him here. He was strapped to the wall, arms out to the side as if a crucifixion were taking place. Inscribed on the wall around him was a huge transmutation circle. Kodachi was several feet away from him, still unconscious, a similar circle around her.

He could tell that these must be the homunkel-things that the Elrics had told him about. Though what they wanted with him and Kodachi he had no idea. The sound of the door opening caught his attention. The one with the headband and revealing clothes had entered, his grin as sadistic as before. Oh yes, he said his name was Envy.

"Bastard. What do you want?"

"Oh, we just need a couple of innocent human deaths, is that so bad?" Envy spoke sarcastically.

Ranma barely heard him. His thoughts were on Akane, and how afraid he was that he would never see her again. With a _boom_ the doors were slung wide again, this time by Father, flanked by Sloth and Pride. It seemed like a mismatched group; Sloth, huge and bulking; Father, an average height; Pride, already small, dwarfed by both.

At the sound of the door, Kodachi groaned softly, regaining consciousness. Father smiled softly. He held Kodachi's cheek gently, as if looking her over. Kodachi, being so close, could see Father's eyes. His eyes… seemed empty. They were evil, and carried no love, and a total disdain for humanity.

"You do not need to worry. Your deaths will not be in vain. For soon, you will be a part of something far greater than yourselves." Kodachi narrowed her eyes and spat at his face. Father didn't even blink.

Suddenly, a wrench bounced off of Envy's head. The homunculi and master whipped around. The Elrics and the others had arrived. One of them, a girl with short hair and a hammer, stalked forward, eyes narrowed, _seething_ in anger.

"How DARE you! Let Ranma down! Now!"

Father smiled a huge smile. One would expect his jaw to fall off.

"Certainly."

He turned back around and slammed his open hand onto Ranma's forehead. The room lit up with alchemic energy as Ranma began to scream in pain.

**Cliffy! Keep the hits and reviews coming, people!**


	11. Pain

**6000 hits!**

**Sorry for the later-than-usual update, folks. I've been reading the offsite fic **_**Genma's Daughter**_** and its sequel **_**Equal Halves**_**. It's one of the most touching Ranma fics I've ever read. Here's the address for **_**Genma's Daughter **_**if you want to read it, used with the author's permission. (delete the spaces)**

**http://homepage. mac. com/ dgoldsmith/ gd/ daughter. html**

**Pain**

_Wham!_

The decapitated chimera slammed into the floor. Kuno spun his bokken around, wiped it off on his robe, and slid it back into its sheath.

"Blasted demons."

Ukyo placed her foot on another chimera corpse to help pry her battle spatula out. Mousse was regathering his chains.

All of a sudden, there was a faint _boom_ from farther down the corridor. The three turned their heads at the sound. A low buzzing noise could be heard. The few lights strung along the ceiling dimmed slightly.

Another sound echoed along the hall. Screeches came from the opposite direction.

"More chimeras."

Kuno pulled his bokken out. Mousse, meanwhile, noticed that Ukyo was shivering. She hugged herself, hands clutching the back of her arms.

"Something's happening down there. Something bad."

---

Akane ran forward, desperately wanting to save her husband-to-be, but the intensity of the alchemic volts around Ranma held her at bay. She pulled back her arm, preparing to throw her mallet, when something very unexpected happened.

The flesh around Ranma's face began to stretch. At first glance, it would look like Father was attempting to pull Ranma's face off. The glow from the alchemic energy intensified, growing brighter and brighter until the group and the two homunculi had to shield their eyes.

Eventually, the light began to fade away. Moving her hands away from her face, Akane looked upon the spectacle.

Ranma was on the ground on hands and knees, breathing heavily. He retched several times. In his place on the wall was someone else familiar: a petite, redheaded girl, also breathing heavily.

Father had been able to do what countless tries by the Nerima Wrecking Crew had failed in: he had cured a Jusenkyo curse. Ranma's two halves had been separated, were two different entities.

Grunting, Sloth picked Ranma's half conscious body up by the neck of his Chinese shirt and flung him at the group. Ed quickly clapped his hands and transmuted the ground into rubber for Ranma to land on. Shampoo growled, pulling out her usual bonboris.

"Why you do this? Why you try to kidnap Ranma and crazy flower-girl?"

Father only smiled cruelly. Shampoo tensed, apparently about to attack Father. However, a pair of side doors was flung open with a _bang._ Envy, Greed, and Gluttony strode in.

"Oi. What's all the commotion?"

Ranma, still in a cold sweat, spun his head at the familiar voice. His eyes widened upon seeing the man who had attacked them months before. He, Shampoo, Ryoga, and the others had all had experiences with him that they'd rather forget.

"T-Taro? What are you doing here?"

The homunculus in the trenchcoat laughed arrogantly. "_Please,_ feel free to call me Gluttony. I think that suits me much more now, wouldn't you say?"

Growling, Ranma staggered to his feet. "Hmph. Do anything to change your name, huh?"

Gluttony's eyes flashed. "How DARE you!!" He leapt ferally at Ranma, who dodged, delivering a kick to the side of his head. The others took this as a signal to attack.

"Ed, Ryoga! You two get Kodachi and my girl half off the wall! Al, Shampoo, Akane, you take care of the others!" Ranma barked out as he landed. Gluttony spun round, trenchcoat whipping behind him. "I'll swallow you whole!"

As Shampoo's bonbori connected with Sloth's head, Ed and Ryoga reached the far wall. Ed started to undo the binds on her wrists while Ryoga started on her ankles.

"Are you okay Ran- girl- dammit…"

The girl rolled her eyes, having regained consciousness. "Just call me Ranko, everyone does."

Ed helped Ranko off of the wall. Meanwhile, Ryoga started to help Kodachi when something curled around his wrist. Pride's shadow yanked him away from Kodachi. It let go at the last second, allowing Ryoga to fly through the air. In a brilliant double attack, Sloth brought his fist down on Ryoga's stomach, sending him into and through the floor. Ryoga's back slammed into the ground on the floor beneath the fighting.

As he got up, he heard a voice in the darkness.

"Who are you? Another homunculus?"

Ryoga turned his head to the side. A man with a scar shaped like a X across his forehead was staring at him. His wrists were chained to the wall.

"And who are you?"

The man _hmph_ed. "I have no name. You may call me Scar. I can tell by the noise upstairs that things are not as they usually are."

Ryoga smirked. "Well, you're right. Hold on, I'll get you out of those chains."

As Ryoga smashed the chains with his umbrella, he introduced himself. "Name's Ryoga. Why are you here?"

Scar sat up, rubbing his sore wrists. "It matters not. Come on."

Ryoga nodded. The two ran for the stairs.

---

Ed dug the dagger into Greed's stomach, amazingly getting a hit in before Greed put up his shield.

"Ling! I know you're in there! You've gotta snap out of it!"

Grinning, Greed dropped down a performed a sweeping kick, knocking Ed off his feet. He stood over Ed, who lay on the ground. "It's no use, kid. Ling's good as dead."

"TENCHI ANIGURIKEN!"

Greed's eyes widened as a thousand punches swept him off his feet. Al practically forgot about Envy upon seeing this.

"Ed! How'd you learn to do that??"

Ed grinned. "I picked up some stuff from Ranma. Wasn't that difficult."

Ranko heard this and laughed as she dodged Sloth's giant fists. Sloth was breathing heavily.

"**Hmph… fighting… tiring… bothersome…"**

Akane, who was helping Ranko, grinned. "What, can't you talk?" She swung her mallet at him.

The side door flung open again, this by Ryoga and Scar. All fighting ceased.

"YOU!" yelled Ed, Al, and Winry.

"YOU!" yelled Scar.

"YOU KNOW THEM??" yelled Ryoga.

"WHO ARE YOU??" yelled the Nerima Wrecking Crew.

"WILL SOMEONE LET ME DOWN!!" yelled Kodachi.

Of course, the problem of the Homunculi started the fight again rather quickly.

Scar strode through the chaos, ignored by all. His target: Father, who had been watching this whole thing. Father flipped onto the podium and slammed his fist upon Father's face. The tattoo's along his arm glowed. Blood spewed from every orifice in Father's head.

Father snapped his eyes open. "Fool. I have a limitless supply of Philosophers Stones inside me. You cannot harm me."

As he spoke, the eye in the middle of his forehead opened, and a continual stream of liquefied Philosophers Stone began to spill out, down his face, and along his right arm. They began to gather around his hand.

Scar felt a sudden sharp pain along his back. Pride had scratched his shadow along his back. Scar whipped around and grabbed the shadow, deconstructing it quickly. Suddenly something slammed onto the wall beside him. The wall immediately exploded.

The stones that had gathered at Fathers hand had hardened, create an alchemic blade of the strongest kind. Father swung the blade again. Scar managed to dodge it, but he knew he couldn't dodge forever.

Father growled under his breath. "Missed. It seems I didn't make it strong enough." The eye in his forehead opened again, and the flow resumed.

"Scar!"

Ed threw a kunai that he alchemized to Scar. In one swift motion, Scar spun around, grabbed the kunai, and kicked Father's legs, sending his to the ground. Scar leapt upon him, pinning his arms down, and bought the kunai down.

The kunai embedded itself in the eye in Fathers forehead. Father screamed in pain, blood mixing with red liquid. Father, seeming to have lost all reason, swung the blade at Scar again, yelling in Rage.

Ranma dodged Gluttony's punches. Dropping to the ground, he whipped out a piece of chalk and sketched out a transmutation circle with the speed of an expert. Gluttony's eyes widened as a spike flew out of the ground and pierced his stomach.

Winry, who was throwing wrenches at any Homunculus who came near her, widened her eyes. "You can perform alchemy, Ranma??"

Ranma grinned. "Ed ain't the only one who picked up a skill!"

Gluttony growled as he pulled himself off the spike. "Hmph. You're not bad. But let's see what happens when I attack your little girlfriend!" He spun charging at Akane, mouth open wide.

Time seemed to slow down for Ranma. The only thing on his mind was saving Akane. She was preoccupied with Envy, so she had no time to dodge. Ranma ran at Gluttony, jumping onto his back, wrapping his hands around his neck."

Akane turned to see Gluttony run past her and collide with a wall. Gluttony thrashed wildly, trying to throw Ranma off. He turned his head and dragged a tooth along Ranma's left arm.

As the light acid coating Gluttony's teeth hit home, Ranma screamed in pain. Gluttony grabbed him by the shoulder and threw him off his back.

Ranma looked up from where he landed. He saw Gluttony swallow something. Confused, he looked down.

Gluttony had bitten Ranma's arm off below the elbow.


	12. Redemption and Sin

**I just saw the new Transformers movie. GOD DAMB ITS FANTASTIC! 10 thumbs up! **

**That being said, I thought I might take this moment to inform you about my next Ranma fic: **_**Recreating the World**_**. It's based on the fantastic RPG **_**SMT: Nocturne**_**. My fic depicts the Nerima Wrecking Crew in a post-apocalyptic world, filled with demons. Ranma and the others are trying to make a new world. There will be love, betrayal, corruption, and Kuno-delusions. A word of warning, while there's romance, it will be a considerably darker fic than this one.**

**Finally, 7000 Hits!**

**Chapter 12**

**Redemption and Sin**

Ranma fell onto his back, blood gushing from the stump of his left arm, feeling as if it were on fire.

Akane, hearing his screaming, saw that his arm was ripped off. Forgetting Sloth, she dashed over, soon joined by Winry, who had bought some medical tape with her.

As Ranma's stump ceased to bleed, and Winry began to patch him up, Gluttony laughed mockingly. "Is the fem-boy so fragile? Look at you, crawling on the ground, back to your women. I've never seen anything so-"

"Hey Pantyhose,"

Gluttony whipped around at the mention of his old name. "You dare to-"

A mallet came into contact with the homunculus's head. He staggered backwards a few steps. Ranko stood there, holding a hammer labeled 'Mallet of Doom Mark II'.

"You chewed my old body's _arm off_-"

She punctuated this with another _whack!_

"-and now you have the _audacity_-"

_Whack!_

"-to _taunt_ him-"

_Whack!_

"-while he's _down!??!_"

_Whack! Whack! Whack! Whack!_

"You are without a _doubt_ the most vile, decadent creature on earth!"

Gluttony was beyond rage by now. "I'LL SWALLOW YOU WHOLE, YOU BITCH!"

Gluttony began to shift into his more powerful form. His mouth extended down his chest, his eyes became blank, and a large eye appeared in his enlarged mouth. His ribs began to stretch out, grabbing at Ranko like tentacles.

"Well. This oughtta be fun."

_---_

_Screeech!_

Father's crystal blade ground against the sword that Scar was using. Normally, the beast of Ishbal wouldn't use a weapon, but seeing how this man was facing was nowhere near normal, he had to improvise and use a blade that Ed had tossed him.

Father's hair and beard were soaked with sweat. He breathed heavily, swinging again. He and Scar had been at this same routine for quite a while now, ever since Scar had gouged his third eye out.

"You know, Scar, before I learned of this world, you were once a prime candidate for our human sacrifice."

"Hmph. I'm honored."

Scar made a swing at Father's neck, a wound no amount of Philosophers Stones would heal. Father ducked backwards and stabbed at Scar.

"It will all be over if you just accept your death, Scar. I could very well use you as my new second sacrifice, now that the transgender boy is gone. Or I may not. This array could very well work without two sacrifices."

"Then why use a second one?!"

"Better safe than sorry, as you insects say."

Scar swiped at his neck again. "You caused a war, threw my people into turmoil, killed my brother, and caused me to force myself to hunt down innocent lives for revenge."

Scar stood several feet away from Father and pointed his sword at him.

"I can never forgive you for that."

---

Ed dug his automail arm into Envy's gut. The Philosopher's Stone that kept Envy alive immediately activated, healing the wound. Envy smirked. Despite their opposition, he respected Ed, so he was going to give him a choice of how to die, the same choices he gave Ling long ago.

He stretched his arm, wrapping it around Ed's neck several times. His hand transformed into that of a cobra, making Envy's arm, for all intents and purposes, a snake. His other arm shifted into a long machete.

"So how would you like to die, Fullmetal Pipsqueak? Would you like to be strangled…"

He tightened his hold.

"Bitten…"

The cobra hissed.

"Or sliced up?"

Light reflected off the machete.

Ed just glared angrily.

"Don't call me pipsqueak, you Palm Tree."

"DID YOU JUST CALL ME-"

"TENCHI AMIGURIKEN!"

Envy's eyeballs nearly fell out of his head. His arms slowly retracted from Ed. He stood there unmoving. Ed grinned evilly.

"And three, two, one."

Envy's arms flew to between his legs, the pain finally setting in. His voice was screaming several octaves higher than usual, as one would expect after being kneed in the groin over 100 times in less than a second.

"Ed! Look out!"

At the sound of Al's cry, Ed spun, bringing his arm up for self-defense. Greed's claw ground against it, his eyes ablaze with the fury of battle.

"Ling! Please, snap out of this! You aren't like this!"

Greed cackled insanely.

"I told you before, kid. Ling died long ago. He's gone, and there is only GREED!"

Ed narrowed his eyes. "You disgust me, Ling. I once considered you a friend."

"Do you really think I care, kid? Did your precious friendship save your friend from losing an arm? From your brother losing his body? Face it kid…"

He leaned his face close to Ed's.

"Friendship does not exist."

"Remember Lanfan?"

Greed froze. By mentioning his old bodyguard, Ed seemed to have gotten to him.

"She cut off her arm, to save you from Wrath and the old Gluttony, remember? She may not have said it, but she loved you, and if I know Ling Yao, the eighth prince of Xing, you loved her also. But look at you now- you've become the creature you both tried to kill. You're nothing but _scum_ now."

Greed's- no, Ling's- eyes were wide at this point. His shield retracted from his hand. Ed could see his eyes change colors, from the violet that marked a Homunculus, to the deep green that was Ling's. Ed knew that he had reached the old Ling.

Horror obvious in his eyes, Ling stared at his hands, as if he had never seen them before.

"My god… Ed… you're right… I'm a monster… Lanfan… kill me… please…"

Ling slumped to the ground, back against the wall, tears streaming down his face. Somber-faced, Ed knelt down, placing his hand on Ling's shoulder.

"Ling. My friends need help. I don't care if you stay here or not. It's your choice to make. But please…"

Ed didn't have to say more. He turned his attention back to Envy, who was finally recovering from extreme ball trauma. Ling clenched his fists, eyes filled with determination.

---

The chimera's neck snapped as Mousse tightened his chain. The flow of chimera's finally seemed to be slowing down.

Of course, the last one is always the worst. A huge, three-headed chimera came thundering down the hall, roaring with each of its heads.

Upon seeing this monstrosity, Kuno spun around as he beheaded another chimera. "Alas, I must go and save the fair pigtailed girl and the beautiful Akane Tendo from their gruesome fates! Farewell!"

As the True Blunder of Furinkan High dashed down the corridor, he could hear Ukyo calling out "Coward! COWARD!"

Kuno silently gritted his teeth and shut out her cries. Truth be told, he really came here to rescue his sister. While he did love Akane and the Pigtailed Girl, he held his sister in the highest regard. They may have fought a lot, but he loved her. **(a/n: No, you sick freaks, this is not Kunocest!)**

He only hoped that he would get there in time.

---

Kodachi twisted her head to avoid the stray dagger flying her way. People had tried five times to get her down, but the human-like beasts continually stopped them.

Ed dodged Envy trying to get him with the snake again. No longer grinning, Envy breathed heavily. Ed suddenly felt something curl around his legs. Envy had transformed his leg into a rope. Envy smiled and kicked upward. Ed fell to the ground, landing roughly on his back.

Envy's perverse grin widened as his hand turned into long talons. Aiming for the pipsqueak's face, he swung it downward. Unable to block, Ed closed his eyes so he wouldn't have to see his death.

_Clang!_

There was no pain.

Ed slowly opened his eyes.

There was a familiar black claw blocking the talons. Ling had his other claw dug into Envy's side. Ling turned his head and grinned at Ed.

"Does this answer your question, Ed?"

Envy's face warped with rage.

"You TRAITOR!"

The two homunculi were immediately fighting each other. Ed, who was still on the ground, had noticed something.

There were markings on the ground near his head. From his viewpoint on the ground, he could see that they spread across the chamber, unnoticed by the combatants. Ed could see that these markings made up a large transmutation circle. Turning his head, to look at Father, he could see that he and Scar had moved during their fight. Father appeared to be moving toward the section of the circle where most alchemists put their hands when doing a transmutation.

Something seemed strange about this circle, though. The markings appeared to be made up of hundreds of thousands of small dots. He looked closer. Ed found that the thousands of small dots were actually thousands of small Ouroboros markings.

Everything suddenly clicked into place as he realized what Father was planning.

Ed leapt to his feet, ignoring Kuno as he ran past him. He sprinted to the wall. Working quickly, he transmuted several small platforms jutting from the wall.

---

Kuno sliced Sloth's chest open with his bokken, trying desperately to reach his sister. Sloth had taken up position near Kodachi and was hurling anyone away who got near.

"GET OFF OF THE GROUND! NOW!"

Kuno suddenly heard the short one yell in a hurried voice. The other ones fighting the Homunculi immediately dashed for the platforms. He felt strong metal arms wrap around him and pull him away from his sister. Kicking and protesting, he and Kodachi yelled for each other as Al dragged him away.

Father blocked Scar's blade yet again as he reached the special point of the circle. As Al pulled Kuno onto the platform, Father quickly knelt down and placed his hands on the circle. Scar swung his sword downward, but the deed had been done.

The huge transmutation circle lit up, the Homunculi standing on it along with it. A moment later, Kodachi felt a great burning sensation, and screamed as her body lit up and she looked upon her brother for the last time.

Ling, who was off the transmutation circle with Ed, felt his head hurt. He could almost feel the circle pulling at him. Kuno, eyes filled with tears, desperately yelled for his sister. Al held Shampoo close to him. Ranko clutched Akane's hand.

Seconds later, the transmutation ceased. Kodachi and the Homunculi were gone. In the middle of the circle stood a man. He was bald, and had rather plain facial features. He wore clothes in a style akin to the Homunculi. Smoke wafted from his body. He rose his head up and spoke three words to the fighters and alchemists.

"_I… am… __**SIN."**_

**---**

**DUN DUN DUNNN! Big climactic battle next!**

**By the way, I originally planned to have Greed-Ling die in this chapter, but I couldn't work in how a regenerating man with a impenetrable shield would die. Seriously though, I think it will work out much better this way.**


	13. Sacrifice

**Woohoo, folks! We're on the home stretch! And 7700 hits! Wow!**

**Also, a few chapters from now, I'm going to mention that Ranma is thinking about taking the State Alchemist exam, and I need a good Nickname for him, so could you either send me a message or a review with ideas. Hey, let's make it a contest. The one I like best and think would suit him will make it in, and the winner will receive credit!**

**Oh, and by the way, I know that Scar's right arm can only destroy, but bare with me when I get to that part.**

**Chapter 13**

**Sacrifice**

The thing that called itself Sin looked down at its hand, smirking. It could feel power coursing through its body. It had the powers of all four Homunculi used to create it… but something else too. The girl that had been sacrificed seemed to have given it her agility. Even better.

Shampoo was the first to regain her senses. Raising he bonbori threateningly, she dashed toward Sin. "Ha! Ugly Monster-thing look weak! You nothing to Shampoo!"

She bought the bonbori down. There was a flash. It happened so quickly that it took a moment for Shampoo to process what had happened.

Sin had reached up and grabbed the bonbori before it hit his head. It turned its head toward Shampoo and grinned evilly. _"Hmph. Are you really that surprised? It wouldn't have hurt me even if it did hit me."_

He tightened his grip on the bonbori. The metal handle snapped. With his free hand, Sin grabbed the falling sphere out of the air. He simultaneously yanked the handle, sending Shampoo flying through the air into a wall. Sin spun round and flung the sphere at Shampoo's head like a baseball.

By sheer coincidence, Shampoo passed out then. She slumped to the floor, the metal ball impacting into the wall just above her head.

"_Tch. Missed."_

The other fighters quickly followed suit, attacking Sin. The only ones that stayed were Ranma, who thankfully wasn't going into shock but was in a cold sweat, Akane, who was bandaging his stump, and Kuno.

Kuno was staring off into space, his mouth hanging open, in shock. He had just seen his sister disintegrate, and reform into some evil thing. His sister was dead, and there was nothing he could do. He didn't even care that his 'pigtailed goddess' was fighting the thing. He could feel someone shaking him, telling him to get a hold of himself. He didn't care. Kuno pounded his fist on the floor, tears dripping freely from his eyes.

---

Father's red blade made a long crack along the catwalk.

His and Scar's battle had continued up stairs onto a very high catwalk overlooking the chamber. Both of their swords had once been sharp, but both were now dull with blood. The two actually seemed to be wearing each other down.

Father, who was sporting a rather nasty cut across the cheek, growled. "You're all going to die, you know. You may as well just give up. Give up now, and I'll give you a quick death. Will you give up now?"

Scar glared at him. "I didn't give up when my brother died. I didn't give up all those times the State Alchemists fought back. I didn't give up when you captured me."

"Hmph. I take that as a no."

---

Sin had managed to calculate something while dodging various hits and ki blasts:

With Shampoo (who had regained consciousness), Ryoga, Akane, Ranko, Ed, Al, and Ling all attacking him at once, they could just barely hold their own with it. And this was only if they could hit him. They'd managed to get in a few hits, but it didn't even scratch him.

"_Enough of this."_

Before anyone could blink, Sin dropped down. He swept his leg out to the side, knocking the fighters off their feet. While they were in midair, he lept up into the air in a spinning motion, grabbed Ranko by the neck, and used his spinning momentum to use her to clear the others. They all flew off in various directions.

Keeping Ranko above his head, he tightened his grip, intending to strangle her. _"You are fools, all of you. Did you really think that you could defeat me? Foolishness. Father shall-"_

The thing was cut off by something jamming itself into it's mouth. Ranko had shoved four fingers into his windpipe. Despite the hand around her neck, she grinned.

"M- Moko Takishiba!"

Sin had one second to feel the explosion. Light shone from every orifice in his head before it exploded. Ranko was flung back by it. The light vanished.

Sin's legs stood erect, a bit of spine poking out of the top. Ed blanched as the legs fell backward. He glanced toward Ranko. "How… did you know…"

Ranko grinned. "We couldn't hurt him on the outside, so I figured we should hurt his innards."

Ed was about to answer this somewhat morbid statement… when there was a strange squishing noise.

_SPLAT!!_

A pointed tentacle embedded itself in the wall. The Nerima Wrecking Crew stared at it, then followed it down its length.

The tentacle had grown out of the fallen waist of Sin. Shakily, the legs rose up to its feet. A deep guttural voice spoke up. "_Foolishness… __**FOOLISHNESS!"**_

Tentacles and other raw matter exploded up from the waist. It expanded, growing larger and larger until there was nothing but a huge, writhing mass of raw matter and tissue.

Had the others had time to think, they would have wondered how this had happened. The answer was simple: The alchemic Transmutation Father used was meant for seven Homunculi and two sacrifices. Instead, he used four Homunculi and one sacrifice. This caused the Sin to be created highly unstable, and Ranko's ki blast was the trigger for a mutation.

Not that any of them knew that. **(a/n: For a good idea of Sin's new form, think of what Arkham turns into in **_**Devil May Cry 3**_

---

Father's robe was drenched in blood and sweat. He and Scar had stopped bantering a while ago, and were fighting with all they had left.

As Sin began to transform far below, the catwalk began to shake violently. Scar, not expecting the shaking, was thrown off balance, stumbling several steps back. Father flashed forward, blade flashing.

_SHWING!_

Scar dropped to the catwalk floor, howling in pain. His left arm landed several feet away. His sword skittered on the catwalk, teetered on the edge for a moment, then fell out of sight.

Father's blade dripped with blood. He stared down at the State Alchemist Killer mercilessly. Scar's right arm was latched to where his left arm once was, restricting his attacks. Father raised his blade high. "And now, the final curtain." Scar closed his eyes, accepting his fate.

_SCHING!_

No pain came. Scar opened his eyes.

Kuno's bokken jutted from Father's chest, blood dripping from the tip. Father stared down at the wooden sword, breathing heavily.

"That was for my sister," a familiar voice said.

Kuno looked at Scar and nodded, as if to say '_Do It'_. Scar understood what he meant.

Prying his arm away from his left stump, he slammed it onto the metal catwalk. It crackled with red alchemic energy as his arm did its work. Kuno whipped the bokken from Father's chest and dug it into the wall as the walk collapsed, sending Father and Scar down.

In less than a second, Scar grabbed Father as they fell. Wrapping his legs around the alchemist, he placed his right arm on his own chest. The tattoos glowed again. However, this time, Scar didn't stop at the deconstruction phase. He continued it through all three stages of alchemy on himself.

Human Transmutation.

Kuno, hanging from his sword, widened his eyes as he saw to two vanish in midair. Scar felt his body go numb as the world around them turned white. He and Father appeared before the Gate. Both looked on in awe, this being their first time seeing the legendary door.

The Gate creaked as it swung wide. The black hands extended from the darkness, wrapping around the two. Father was taken first, screaming and protesting all the time. The hands then found Scar. He closed his eyes as he felt the darkness take him.

_**SLAM!**_

---

"…Are we weakening this thing?" Ed asked.

The giant thing was still constantly shifting grotesquely. Do to its hugeness, there was no way to tell if it had even been hurt.

Ranko punched it, expecting her hand to sink into the blob. However, it rebounded off instead. She looked closely.

They had missed it before, but there was an almost transparent red shell coating the Sin-monster. "Oi! Ed! What's this hard stuff?"

Ed dodged his way close to the Sin-monster, clapped his hands, and alchemically analyzed it. His eyes widened in amazement.

"Guys! This stuff is Philosophers Stone! It's protecting it!"

Ryoga lopped off a tentacle with his umbrella. "How do we break it?"

"It would have to be hit at high velocity by a large number of things at once!"

Ranko raised an eyebrow. "Like, say, the Amiguriken?"

Ed paused, then grinned. "Ranko, you're a genius! But it would have to be even more then that. Even if I performed it with you, that wouldn't be enough, and that's 2000 punches!"

"What about 3000?"

Everyone turned. Ranma had pulled himself to his feet, clutching his arm.

"I might be able to help. Might haveta settle for kicks, though…"

Ed contemplated this. "…It could work."

Ranko dodged again. "Well let's get to it! We can't dodge forever!"

If Sin had eyes, they would have widened. He couldn't hear what they were saying, but he could tell they were planning something. Suddenly, the three split up, going various directions. He tried to attack them, but his tentacles were either occupied or chopped off. The three took up positions around him.

"_**WAIT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!"**_

The three fighters tensed. Echoing across the chamber, they called out their attack in unison.

"TENCHI AMIGURIKEN REVISED: THREE THOUSAND PUNCHES!"

One would have expected a gatling gun had gone off. The three-thousand hits occurred so close to each other it was a surprise to hear any amount of time between hits. But even that was drowned out by Sin's death cry.

Ed, Ranko, and Ranma breathed heavily, exhausted. The red shield had been shattered into millions of small pieces.

Something pulled itself forward.

A large piece of meat, attached to a lone tentacle, pulled itself forward slowly. **"The power… the pow-"**

_SNAP!  
_

What was left of Sin burst into flames. It's final scream faded as the bootsteps of Amestrian soldier dashed forward, wielding guns. In the center of it all was Fuhrer Mustang himself, flanked by Generals Havoc and Falman.

Fuhrer Mustang waved off the troops attempting to take Ranma and the others into custody. "In a mess again, Fullmetal?"

Ed was too tired to yell back. "So… Mustang, how'd you guys get here?"

Mustang grinned. His eyepatch shifted slightly. **(a/n: Look, I know he doesn't get a patch in the manga, but gimme a break! He looks cool!)**

"We tracked down Father's old lair and found his little portal. There was a Philosopher's Stone in the middle. We used it and came here. So tell me, who're your friends?"

Ed waved Ranma over from the Medics, who reluctantly let him go. "Mustang, this is Ranma Saotome. Ranma this is Fuhrer Mustang."

As Ranma shook hands with Mustang, he said "So you're the bastard that Ed's always yakking on about?"

---


	14. To Regain What is Lost

**Sorry for the delayed update, folks. I've been busy with school.**

**Listen up, Folks! We're on the home stretch! After this, there's only one more chapter! Also, I've set the deadline for Ranma's State Alchemist Name Contest for Next Saturday, so get your votes in!**

**Oh, and a reminder: I've made Ed, Al, and Winry slightly older in my story, so it could be perfectly legal for Al to have a relationship with Shampoo.**

**Chapter 14**

**To Regain What is Lost**

Cologne stared across the table quietly at Shampoo and Al.

It had been two days since Father and Sin's defeat. After getting Kuno down from his sword, the survivors had headed home, Ling going to the Tendo House. Ed and Al were able to put the house back together with alchemy.

Ed and Al learned that by using the same portal the military had used to come through, they would be able to go back and forth from their world to this whenever they wanted. However, they hadn't gone back quite yet, as they still had some business to take care of here. Ling, on the other hand, had gone back to Xing to rejoin his family and old bodyguard Lanfan. Once the word got out that the prince of Xing had become a Homunculus, there was quite a scandal. Things would be cleared up eventually, but it would take a while.

Kuno, meanwhile, seemed to have lost interest in everything. Since the death of his sister, he had become more withdrawn from everyone. He still went to school, but wore a normal uniform, and didn't even speak to Akane and Ranko.

Speaking of Ranko, Ranma had bought her back to the Tendo House with them. While Ranma was doing his usual 'Never Gonna Be A Girl Again' dance, Nodoka had shown up and, after explaining everything to her, she promptly adopted Ranko as her daughter, as it were. Ranko had connected quite quickly with her mother, whereas the same could not be said for Genma, who was still recovering from the brutal pounding she gave him.

And now Al, Shampoo, Ed, Akane, Winry, Ranko, and Ranma were gathered in the Nekohanten. Shampoo had described everything that had happened to the 150-year-old amazon, who was now sitting in a booth across from them, deep in thought. Winry was standing close to Ed, and Akane to Ranma, whose stump was healing quite well.

Winry was in a very happy mood, because Ranma had asked her to make him an automail hand. 'I can't exactly fight like this,' he had said, so he was willing to pay her to make him a hand. Winry, of course, jumped at the chance.

Shampoo was clutching Al's iron hand tightly. She hoped with all her heart that she would be able to be with Al. However, her great-grandmother would most likely not let her, and force her to continue after Ranma.

Cologne sighed heavily. "Elric. My daughter Shampoo tells me quite clearly that, during the battle against 'Father', he protected and helped you many times. However, amazon laws dictate that she must marry Ranma."

Al and Shampoo sighed, and lowered their gaze. So this was it. The end of the road.

Cologne sighed again. "May the gods burn me for this…" she pulled out a sheet of paper, the words **Certificate of Kiss of Marriage** printed at the top. "I hereby nullify the Amazonian kiss of marriage." With a slight flourish, the elder tore the **Certificate of Kiss of Marriage** in half.

Mass Face-Fault.

Shampoo scrambled to her feet. "Great-Grandmother… I no understand. You tell Shampoo that she no can stay with Al, that Shampoo must stay with Ranma. Why you change mind?"

Cologne sighed. "Despite what Amazon Laws say… sometimes a woman has to follow her intuition. I can see that, while Ranma does not hold a scrap of affection for you," Ranma grinned sheepishly at this, "I can see that Alphonse does genuinely love and care about you. So I shall, for the first time, break tradition and let you choose your love." Everyone sighed in relief at this.

"PREPARE TO DIE, ELRIC!"

"Aw, hell."

Mousse slung another arm at Al. "You listen to me, Elric. Shampoo is _mine_, the senile bat doesn't know what she's taking about. You stay away from-"

_SLAP!_

Shampoo drew her hand back from Mousse's face. She switched to Mandarin.

(Mousse, how many times do I have to say this, I don't love you!)

(But Shampoo, we've been friends since childhood! And he's trying to steal your love! How can you _not_ love me?)

(Mousse, _I_ am the one who chooses the one I love, not you, now get away from Al this instant!)

(But-)

(MOUSSE!)

Mousse immediately backed away from Al. The inhabitants of the room were silent, even Cologne. Shampoo's battle aura was in the visible spectrum by now.

(Mousse. I have told you time and time again to stop butting into my personal life. I am the one who chooses who to give my love to. Al has stolen nothing.)

(Shampoo-)

Shampoo's aura flared. (_Listen._ I know that we were childhood friends. I thank you for that. Those were some of the happiest times of my life. But things change. I thank you for loving me, but that does not mean that I have to love you as more than a friend.)

Shampoo's aura had dwindled down considerably. Mousse was slowly calming down. Shampoo…

Shampoo placed a hand on his shoulder, a kind look on her face. (Mousse. If you really love me, let me make my own choices. Please.)

Mousse's head looked downward. (I… I'm sorry, Shampoo.)

Winry and Akane were weeping softly. "I have no idea what they just said, but it sounded so beautiful."

Shampoo hugged Al's large metal body. He returned the embrace.

Ed, meanwhile, had been quiet throughout most of this conversation. As a matter of fact, he had barely said a thing during the past few days. Cologne pogoed over to him. "What's wrong, Edward."

"Nothing. Everything. I always thought that killing the Homunculi would get a Philosopher's Stone, but they were all destroyed by the Amiguriken. I've been trying for so long to get Al back to normal, and now… I can't…"

Cologne was silent for several seconds. Then a smile crossed her wrinkled face. "Edward… I can help you."

"What?? How??"

"There are more things in the world than alchemy and science, Ed."

---

_**One week later…**_

The tables in the Nekohanten had been pushed to the side. A great circle covered the floor. It was similar to a transmutation circle, but different in several aspects. Many other symbols adorned it, hieroglyphics, pictographs, everything.

Ed, Al, Cologne, and Shampoo had spent the week researching ancient Chinese scriptures. Cologne had come to the conclusion that, by combining alchemy with Chinese magic, they might be able to bring Al's body back.

Ed was dubious about the whole thing. "Cologne, are you sure about this?"

Cologne, who was making some finishing touches to the circle, glanced up. "Positive. Now kneel near the circle."

"But there's no possible way this could work. Aside from mixing alchemy with something else, which is _very_ dangerous, may I add, I see no way that these old runes could possibly be magic. Science controls everything."

Cologne stared at Ed as if he were a lunatic. "Ed, you've seen boy switch genders- my granddaughter turn into a cat, for the love of Takahashi- and you still say that something is impossible?"

"…So, which side of the circle do I kneel at?"

"Thought so."

Al and Shampoo stood off to the side. Both were silent, clutching each others hand tightly.

Ed knelt down on one side of the circle, Ranko on the other. Ranma was still lacking a hand, so it had to be her. Cologne stood at the front of the circle, cane resting on the ground. Al breathed, then headed for the circle. Shampoo gave him a quick kiss- 'for luck'- the stood back. Al slowly laid down in the middle of the circle.

Ed and Ranko began to transmute. The circle glowed two different colors- blue for alchemy, yellow for the Amazonian symbols.

Cologne pounded the end of her staff on the floor. She began to speak in a low voice, speaking an ancient tongue long forgotten by many. The markings actually seemed to move across the floor.

Al's armor began to glow, a dark green color. Cologne's voice rose, speaking louder and louder. The markings were actually spinning around now.

Al gasped as his armor began to rise into the air, the green glow becoming brighter. Cologne's voice was shrieking as it chanted, and many other voices, perhaps from the past, chorused with her.

Lights flew into the air and began to swirl around the room, creating a screaming noise that grew louder until it and Cologne could not be told apart. The Nekohanten's foundation shuddered. The glow emanating from Al grew brighter. Ed and Ranko averted their eyes so not to be blinded.

And everything stopped.

The silence was deafening.

Almost reluctantly, Ed opened his eyes.

The circle was gone. Al's armor was gone. In its place was a bright light, shining around the room.

The light began to subside. A nude human body could be seen, floating in midair.

Ed's heart skipped a beat. _Could it be-_

The body softly came to the floor. The glow faded completely. The body was that of a teenage boy. Sandy hair covered the head. It was long, and the body's stomach was thin and malnourished.

The boy began to stir. He slowly rose to his knees. He stared at his hands as if he had never seen them before.

It had worked.

Ranko jumped up and whooped a victory yell. Ed yanked off his coat and put it around Al.

"Al, are you okay?... That is you, right?"

The boy smiled at Ed. "Never better… brother."

Shampoo slumped to her knees, tears of joy streaking down her face. She felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked up into Al's face, Ed's coat wrapped around his body.

"Told you it would work."

Words failing her, Shampoo wrapped her arms around Al and pulled him close to her. She didn't have to say anything.


	15. Happy Endings

**This is IT, folks! This is the chapter you have been waiting for!**

**On a separate note, I really wish that the Ranma's State Alchemist Name contest had gotten more entries, I only had one, although I have to say I probably would have picked this one anyway. So, winner by default is Fire Thief with "The Wild Horse Alchemist". Congratulations!**

**Chapter 15**

**Happy Endings**

The Following is an excerpt from the diary of one Edward Elric

_Well, that's about it. Al and Shampoo's relationship is getting along quite well. Something I wasn't expecting at all: Although Cologne told Ranma he could get his hand back using the same process we used, he said she didn't have to. It turns out that Ranma is a fan of something in this world called 'anime', which is full of robots and things like that. He says that a robotic hand 'looks cool'. That and the fact that Winry already placed the order for the automail, and would introduce her wrench to his head if he changed his mind now._

_The strange thing is, now that I can get it back, I don't want my arm and leg back anymore. If it weren't for these automail ones, I probably would have never come back to Resembool to get it repaired. Now that Winry and I know that we love each other, well, it just doesn't seem right to get rid of the automail, since it's the only thing that kept me going back._

_Things are pretty quiet these days. I've resigned from the military, now that I have Al's body back. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off me. Since we can go through the portal anytime we want, we've been visiting back and forth regularly. Ranma's thinking about applying for the State Alchemist program. Ryoga seems to be improving his sense of direction. Kuno is actually taking a hint. Speaking of Kuno, his sister's funeral is this Saturday. You have to wonder how he'll act…_

---

The weather was almost clichéd. Rain poured down around the mourners as the empty casket was lowered into the ground.

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust."

As the funeral came to a close, Ranma snuck a look over at Kuno. Instead of his kendo robes, he was dressed in a formal crisp suit. He stared down at the muddy ground, clutching an umbrella in one hand. Ranma clenched his new automail hand and started to walk away.

"Saotome."

Ranma froze. He slowly turned around to face Kuno, expecting a usual attack, expecting _anything_.

"I've been a jackass, haven't I?"

Ranma blinked. Was Kuno realizing his faults? Without the usual Shakespearean gobbledygook?

"I can't believe it took the death of my sister to realize it, but I've just been full of myself lately, haven't I?"

Ranma fought down a snort. _Lately_ was putting it very lightly.

"I haven't listened, I've just let my instincts drive me for everything. To tell you the truth, I've always thought of you, Akane, and everyone else as a… a friend."

Kuno looked up from the ground, directly into Ranma's eyes. Ranma was dubious. "Friend, huh? Why'd you attack me so much, then?"

"It was a spar. It was always a spar, I thought you knew that."

Ranma mentally kicked himself. It was obvious, he should have seen the signs. "I… I didn't know. Sorry."

Kuno smiled. "Man. That's a load off my back." Upon saying this, the rain stopped and the clouds parted, as if Kuno had given a cue to the Almighty Weatherman.

As Kuno refolded his umbrella, Ranma sighed and turned around to walk home.

"By the way…"

Ranma whipped around to block Kuno's bokken with his metal hand.

"Up for one last spar?"

Ranma grinned. "Anytime."

---

"So, how much farther is it to this Dublith place?"

"Soon, Ryoga."

Ed and Al were back in Amestris, off to tell their teacher Izumi the news about Al. Ryoga and Shampoo were coming along with them. Ryoga had taken an interest in alchemy and wanted to learn from 'the best', as Al described Izumi. Shampoo just wanted to meet this insane teacher.

After this, Ed was going to take a vial he had in his pocket to a local laboratory to be analyzed. He had sent out to Jusenkyo for a vial of Drowned Parrot Water (Drown 1400 year ago, very tragic story, honored customers), and wanted to know just what gave it its properties. Just to be safe, he had labeled the vial **EXTREMELY DANGEROUS, DO NOT GET ON SKIN**.

Ryoga noticed that Ed and Al seemed to be shaking every few feet. He wasn't sure why, it wasn't cold. On the contrary, it was quite hot in Dublith.

As they reached a meat shop, Ed cringed. "Well, here goes nothing." He tapped on the door.

_Two Brutal Pummelings Later…_

Izumi tried to look uncaring that Al was back to normal, but she couldn't hide the smile poking around the edges of her mouth. In a display of affection extremely out of character for Izumi, she grabbed Al in a crushing hug.

After talking for a while, introducing Shampoo, and catching up, Ed introduced Ryoga, informing her that he wanted to learn alchemy.

"You're going to go through hell, kid."

"Lady, whatever you dish out will be a cakewalk compared to what I've gone through. I'm serious." Izumi raised an eyebrow, but decided not to probe.

"Teacher, I want to know what you make of this." Ed overturned a cup of water of Ryoga's head.

"Wha… wha… wha…"

It took nearly half and hour of form of explanations on Ed and Al's part and form switching on Ryoga's part to convince Izumi that no, this was not a hallucination. Then Ed took the vial out of his pocket. "Teacher, I bought some water from the Spring of Drowned Parrot. I was wondering if you'd like to have a look at it."

Ed was able to take one step.

Something happened right after this, that really should have been seen coming. Perhaps you have seen it already and have been laughing at Ed.

They hadn't yet mopped up the water from switching Ryoga. Ed slipped. The vial flew through the air and did the only thing it possibly could: smash on someone.

_SMASH!_

"Teacher!"

"SQUAK!"

"Oh, this figures so much."

---

Winry folded the letter as she walked back into the Tendo's living room. "Well, Ryoga seems to be having fun on Yock Island."

It was one of those times where Ed and Winry were visiting Ranma's Universe. Al and Shampoo were off on their honeymoon. The group who was there was watching a kung-fu movie on TV. Ranma was lying on the couch, Akane using his chest as a pillow.

The sound of the front door opening reached their ears. Ranko entered, wrapped around Mousse's arm. She had caught him on the rebound, and were getting along quite well, something Nabiki hadn't seen coming and had lost a lot of money from as a result (but that's another story).

After giving her a quick hug, Mousse went on his way. Ranko strode into the living room, a dreamy look on her face. Ed sat down next to Winry.

"Hey, Win?"

"Hmm?"

"Wanna get married?"

---

"We are gathered here today to witness the union of these two young people. If there are any who believe these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace."

The Church was packed with people, some had to stand because the pews were full. Many familiar faces were there- Pinako, Ranko and Mousse, Izumi and Sig (who were keeping well away from cold water), Kuno, Ryoga, even Fuehrer Mustang had managed to come, along with First Lady Riza and bodyguards.

Ling had even managed to make his way here, his arm around Lanfan. Things had been somewhat cleared up, and Ling was using his Homunculus abilities to help his country. Lanfan had even gotten an automail arm to continue her work, though there wasn't much work for her to do. Ling had forbid her from being his bodyguard anymore, then gotten down on one knee and gave her a ring.

Pinako was sniffling softly. She glanced over at Akane, who smiled back at her, Ranma's arm wrapped around her. Both wore rings around their finger, Ranma's matching nicely with his automail. Using his other hand, Ranma, now also known as the Wild Horse Alchemist, fingered the silver watch hanging from his belt. It was going to be a very busy weekend. After the wedding, tomorrow they were going through the portal for Ranma's promotion ceremony. _Lieutenant Colonel Ranma Saotome,"_ he thought to himself. _"I kinda like the sound of that."_

"Do you, Edward Elric, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, to love, honor, and respect her through war and peace, through good times and bad, through sickness and health, until death do you part?"

"I do."

Alphonse smiled, watching his brother up on the altar. He was so proud of Ed, although he could hardly say he was surprised that this had happened. He'd been anticipating it for years. Al wrapped his arm around Shampoo, hugging his wife closer to him.

Shampoo was smiling too, but for mixed reasons. Although she was glad that Ranma had also found happiness, there was an even better reason for her to smile. She sighed contently as she rested her head on Al's shoulder, her hands on the slight curve her belly had gained. She and Al were still picking out names for their soon-to-be-born daughter.

"Do you, Winry Rockbell, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to love, honor, and respect him through war and peace, through good times and bad, through sickness and health, until death do you part?"

"I do."

Ranko lay her hand on Mousse's, watching Ed up at the front of the church. The two had been dating for several months now, and their relationship was getting serious. On a separate note, Mousse and Ryoga had gotten over his grudges against Ranma and Ed. Akane and Winry had made them sign an oath to 'put away all umbrellas, chains, and alchemized daggers and try to kill each other like civilized people.' After that the fighting just sort of faded out.

Fuehrer President Mustang was trying his best to look indifferent to the ceremony, but there was a small hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. Riza gave him a small peck on the cheek, rolling her eyes at her husband's behavior.

"By the power bested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride."

**----**

**Well, folks, that's it! After 2 Months, 60 Pages, 15 Chapters, 20,000 words and 9300 Hits, we're done. You'll have to fill in plot holes yourself. **

**I'd like to thank everyone who stayed with this story, subscribers or not. I'd like to thank Fire Thief, for providing me with Ranma's State Alchemist Name. I'd like to thank causmicfire, for allowing me to borrow a bit from one of his stories. And if there are any groups of people I may have forgotten, thank you.**

**And I'd like to ask all of you to tune in next time for my next Ranma fic **_**Recreating the World**_**. There are some **_**Fullmetal Alchemist**_** fics I want to get to first, so it may take some time. Until then, good bye!**


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